Empathy and Compassion Conference Speech

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Hi everyone! My name is Mackenzie Ellsworth. I wanted to start off with a little bit about myself. I have a degree in Jewelry Design from the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising in Los Angeles. I’m currently a student at University of San Francisco. I will talk about diamonds every chance I get. I listen to Beyoncé on repeat, the only exception is Taylor Swift and Let it Go from Frozen. My favorite color is red, I’m obsessed with polka dots, I love making new friends and I absolutely love to talk. Something a lot of people don’t know when they meet me is that I have clinical depression. A reaction I get a lot when I tell people is “You’re the last person on earth I would ever expect to be depressed.” And to that I say, you never know what someone is going through.

When I was in high school I was on the nationally ranked synchronized ice skating team, I was in an academically rigorous program called International Baccalaureate, I had above a 4.0, and I worked part time. I would wake up at about 4am for ice skating and I was up until about 11pm doing homework on a regular basis. This is when my depression first became apparent. By my junior year of high school I was on autopilot. It felt like I was walking through a dream they called my life. I lost the ability to taste food, beautiful things were no longer beautiful to me, and everything was much less enjoyable than it used to be. I often describe those years of my life as in black and white. I went from my bubbly perky self, to an empty shell of sadness.

Years later, I found that writing about this time in my life, has really helped me gain closure and fully understand what I went through. I was very fortunate to have the opportunity to publish my essay called Down the Rabbit Hole on the Huffington Post. This is how I recounted on a moment that was quite the revelation for me:

On one afternoon I went to my favorite ritzy grocery store to get my favorite fancy food in hopes that I could taste it. I was being rung up by this woman with deep green eyes. She looked at me,

“How are you today sweetie?”

I sat in my car and cried for eleven minutes. Uncontrollably. I didn’t even bother reaching for the tissues. She was so genuine. How can a stranger be so loving? Everything about her was sincere; the tone of her voice, the way she said sweetie, her green eyes that never broke eye contact, her slight head tilt, her smile, even the way her blonde curls bounced as she turned her head seemed genuine. She seemed to understand, even more than the therapists who were paid to. She wasn’t concerned with bagging my groceries quickly or getting to the next person immediately. She actually wanted to know how my day was…I am positive she was as sincere to the next customer. This compassionate woman gave me a moment out of her day.

The moments following this experience with the cashier changed my view of the world forever. I had been to three therapists at this point, was on and off of antidepressants and nothing made me feel better, at least not in the long run. Yet this woman was able to, by just being herself. She was a beautiful loving person.

Eventually, through a long journey, I became my happy self again. I learned a lot about myself through depression and through therapy. One thing I can tell you for certain is that I am a very loving person. I’m pretty sure I love everyone. I love all of you especially for being here. I have a lot of love to give and I was ready to share my love and change lives.

I decided one year for my new years resolution I was going to compliment people more. Somewhere along the line I realized that I think nice things about people all day long. I see strangers walking down the street and I love their outfit, or a see a couple so in love that you can see it from a block away. If I was already thinking these things, how much more effort could it take to say them? Once I got over the anxiety of approaching perfect strangers, the amount of effort it took to voice a compliment out loud instead of just thinking it was minimal. And in doing such a small thing, I have made so many people smile. I hope I have even made a few people’s days.

My newest thing is to do small acts of kindness. Living out in the real world fighting depression constantly puts me in a vulnerable state. My moods are so easily changed for better or for worse. I started appreciating great customer service, because it would make my day so much better. I’ve started writing notes and comments to managers, hoping to make their day. I currently work in retail and I know when people tell my boss that I am doing a good job, it makes my week!. I’ve had so many people who have gone out of their way to help me. On my birthday, I ended up crying in a restaurant by myself…that’s a whole other story…but the waiter was trying so hard to make me feel better. So I took a napkin and I wrote a letter to the manager explaining how sad I was, how this waiter had really turned my mood around and how much I truly appreciated it.

A couple months ago I was one of the lucky few to be chosen to be a text supporter at reach out.com. just to clarify that is text supporter, not tech supporter. I’m not that good with computers….As a text supporter I sit at a computer and wait for anyone ages 14–26 to text me about anything they would like to talk about. It is such an amazing experience. I get to talk to these amazingly strong individuals who are reaching out for help and asking for support. I can tell you when I was depressed I was not that strong. I am so thankful these texters are. I know I can’t help all of them or change their situations, but I get to just be there. I’m not a therapist and I don’t give advice, but I can do what I always wanted to do for people, just be there, just show I care, and be genuine and sincere. I help in any way that I can. And you know what, helping them helps me. Listening to all these texters who have the same emotions that I have, who have gone through similar experiences, and feel the same way really helps me know that we are not all as different as we think we are. We all have our own unique experiences of course, but the emotions we feel are so similar to every else’s. When these brave souls open up and express their deepest thoughts, I just want to tell them it gets better. I promise it will get better. When I was sixteen a junior in high school, I was planning my suicide. And now, 4 years later I stand before you, stronger, happier, and in a position where I can help other people. I never stopped dreaming, and now I am living my dream. Life can get really rough, and I just hope I can give someone an experience like the one the kind cashier gave me.

We just need sincerity. If someone asks how you are doing, be sincere. Most people are asking because they genuinely care. If you say you’re having a rough day, maybe they can make you feel better. The world is a very difficult place to live in, we all need each other to survive. And when we all participate and help each other out, life becomes so much more beautiful.