3 Reason You Need To Feel Heartbreak

I’m very fortunate to be able to hear the personal stories of many people throughout all the seasons of their year. It’s been fascinating to watch emotions ebb and flow, unfold, change, develop and evolve.

Time after time, I watch one very similar experience crossover into the lives of my clients: a season of heartbreak. This is the “when it rains, it pours” season, where nothing seems to go according to plan. Sometimes, it goes beyond that and there’s a split, death, tragedy and/or loss. These periods are the hardest, for obvious reasons, but sometimes the deepest reason is not fully seen by the eye.

We live in a society that glamorizes busyness and the ability to persevere. The unfortunate thing is that “persevering” can oftentimes get confused with ignoring or numbing.

Perseverance means “steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.” It means you keep going, you keep living, you keep thriving. What it doesn’t mean is that you shove down the difficulty and pretend it was never there. On an emotional level, this can be extremely dangerous.

Every now and then I work with a client who comes to me and says that they’ve been going through a hard time, filled with loss and pain. Along with the stories they tell me, I hear an underlying story. A story that, yes there is pain, but also that “I am not supposed to feel it.” I hear them telling me that they are holding shame for feeling the loss, and that shame is developing into a fear of weakness.

This kills me to watch happen.

Loss is a part of life, and so are periods of grief for the loss. There is no reason one should ever rush their period of heartbreak; in fact, it’s often dangerous if that is allowed to happen because the build up of shame will hold you hostage for as long as you let it.

Watch this video to hear my 3 reasons to fully experience heartbreak.

1. You’re a human being designed to feel things

You were not created with only a couple emotions, you were created with hundreds. You can feel agony, joy, remorse, sadness, happiness, sexiness, drive, determination, disgust and more. But if you only allow yourself to go so far with the painful emotions, you will only be able to go so far with the positive ones. You need to feel the emotions you were DESIGNED to feel, so that they can run their course and exit your body when you’re ready to move on. Do not feel shame for feeling what you were made to feel.

2. You’re not indifferent

The goal is never to be indifferent. Indifference means to “have no particular interest or sympathy; unconcerned.” Be glad that you are someone who cares and has a stance on something. You care about love, so you experience the pain when it arises more than somebody who, say, doesn’t get vulnerable, doesn’t have sympathy or lets their ego take over. If you’re a female, especially, it’s a part of our nature to have a wave of these emotions in more extreme volumes than our male counterparts. I used to shove away sensitivity, afraid of it making me look weak, but this only affected me negatively by diminishing the authenticity of other feminine emotions. Be proud of what you feel and allow yourself to even admire that you believe in something strongly.

3. Something good is around the corner

This one may be harder to believe, but it’s true. Something good is on its way to you, the world, your friends and all of life. There is always something good around the corner. Don’t see it? Believe with all your heart that it’s true, and in the mean time, plan something in the future that will give you something to look forward to. Plan a trip, give yourself a goal, or organize a group retreat. Do whatever you can to provide yourself some hope (when you’re ready) and know that God always has a plan.

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This post was originally shared on MaddyMoon.com.

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