The boys I’ve loved,

(platonic, dates, friends, boyfriends)

You wore dirty baseball caps and you were kind to me when no one else was. You were just a crush.

You had bright blue eyes and took me on carnival rides.

You drove a truck and loved to read and you seemed perfect. We were so similar and at the time I thought things were simple and meant to be. You hurt me through lies, but now we get along alright. Now that we have both grown up considerably, we have both acknowledged our mistakes.

You were an emotional roller coaster and chaos but I accepted you and trusted you with my heart. You left me letters in my locker and I still have all of them. Your eyes were clouded with pain and confusion. You made me less trusting off the world and I still haven’t forgiven you completely.

You went on an adventure with me and I always called you by your last name. You helped me across the ropes course and with my deepest fears. You truly understood me for the person I was in a short time. When we took separate flights home, I wrote you a letter I never sent. We talked for so long and I still have a picture of us on my wall. This year, when there was a shooting on your college campus, I prayed and prayed that you were okay.

You were just a friend. You made me watch dark movies and took me to breakfast when I was sad and had your mom buy my favorite tea to keep at your house. We feel emotions in the same way and we both knew how it felt to be low one minute and high the next. You loved my friend, and I never told you how I felt.

You were mysterious but your eyes were warm and honest. You spoke Spanish when you tried to express your emotions and I never fully got to understand you. You took me on nice dates and I didn’t realize that you had genuine feelings for me. I messed up.

You were playful and fun but too much older and much more experienced. You kissed me under the glow of a streetlight. You left me cute notes but you were a flake and much too different from me. I still haven’t seen that movie we meant to watch together and thinking about you makes me feel disappointed.