5 Reasons Why We Deplore the “Horizontal Organizing” Mentality

We will be the first to say, yes, we are traditionalists. And, no, we are not ashamed. I guess you could say, yes, we are coming out of our shell. As students at Wes U, we resent the implication that we must be “trendy”, “glib”, or “facile” in our day-to-day existences. Here are 10 trends we will not partake in during this ongoing fiscal year.

1) Colored lights

You may have seen hipsters on your feed, whether it be Instagram or Facebook, bathing in purple and pink fluorescent lights, whether they be in their dorm room or at an open mic. And we are 100 percent NOT here for it. We’ll keep our pale and pasty complexions, thanks. We resent the implication that if we are not constantly doused in moody fluorescence our artist status will somehow be revoked. Bizarrely, this stance has not caught on among students at large.

2) Commenting on own Facebook status

This seems to be a product of the New York climate. And we’re not talking weather. We’re also not talking about the state, but rather the city; specifically, Brooklyn. We resent the implication that our status is not funny if we do not comment on it directly after posting. Furthermore, these statuses are redundant and in poor taste, in our humble yet unwavering opinions.

3) Engaging in academic rhetoric outside of the classroom

This should be self-explanatory, but unfortunately we are here to explain it to you. We resent the implication that if we do not use words like “positionality”, “performativity”, and other words similar to the aforementioned, we are somehow not excellent students at this institution. When we have our Four Lokos in hand, the last thing we want to think about is the canonization of New German cinema. Børns and, presumably, Leaf would be ashamed.

3) Name necklaces

We have recently noticed White girls from New York — specifically Brooklyn, a borough located within the City of New York’s municipality — donning personalized gold-plate necklaces featuring their names in an Old English typeface. We resent the implication that we are nameless, borderline nonexistent, nearly abject, if we do not partake in this appropriative trend. We get it. You have a name. So do we.

4) Performative studying

Whether it be in Scili or Olin, Espwesso or Pi, we have noticed many people typing on their computers and highlighting readings. We resent the implication that because we do not complete work in public settings we do not complete work at all. Take your Swell water bottle, and beat it. Just beat it. And don’t forget your Marx reading on your way out the door.

5) Talking in Class

The gentle tap of a pencil, the hum of computer keys being punched by hundreds of little fingers, buzz buzz buzz- a phone just went off. We are in the guts of the academic world; you guessed it, the classroom. “I found it interesting that…” “Piggybacking off that comment” “I think the author is conjecturing that…” “I just want to push back on that” Hey, pal. We want to push back on you. Or just push you. We resent the implication that because we are silent we are somehow not contributing to the class discussion. Going off of the comment we just made, learning takes place in many forms. So while you are speculating and hypothesizing, we’ll be explicating our sexual desires to our Quinnipiac Tinder matches under the table. And yes, they are on the lacrosse team.

Thanks for reading, everyone!

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