My Spiritual Awakening at a Lakota Sundance — finding inclusiveness in a path previously unconsidered.

Madelyn Greco
Sep 7, 2018 · 12 min read
“The Sundance Tree” — shot after the finish of the 4-day dance ceremony.

Awakenings are a surprise to those who have been deeply dreaming. Never would I have expected to return home irrevocably changed from a short trip to Austin, Texas. My reflection in the mirror is unaltered, but my interior landscape holds a view toward new horizons. Not a drastic change, more of a gentle realignment. My heart strikes an inner chord with an avenue of spiritual joy previously unexplored.

I didn’t have a precise idea of what I was signing on for, as I made the arrangements for a trio of friends to attend the Lone Star Sundance. Nonetheless, we counted down the days to departure with zeal. Honored with a personal invitation, from Chief Mike, our friend and the originating force behind this particular event, we prepped eagerly. At Thirty-something, Brandy is the youngest. Seventy-six years down the path, “KT” takes honors as our resident elder. My age falls somewhere in between. Of this group, I‘m the only one to have attended this type of Lakota ceremony, some twenty-five years prior, in another part of the country.

In most respects, I was equally uninitiated. My faded remembrance as an “outsider-looking-in” paled greatly in comparison to the palpable energy that drew us, from the moment of our arrival. We were greeted as friends and looked after almost immediately, especially by the women. They kindly came to our aid, lending articles of proper attire we were without and situating KT among the other elders, where he could spectate in comfort, shaded from the blistering heat of the day. One of our new friends patiently explained the structure of the dance, along with the reasons behind the order of certain activities, answering our many questions thoroughly and demonstrating her great love for the ceremony at hand, tearing up at intervals during her explanation. We were drawn in by her warmth and candor, immediately.

Settling in, the beating heart of the drum cast a hypnotic rhythm over the circular arbor. I observed this ceremony seemed more open, inclusive and equitable than that of my previous experience. The roles held by women stood out almost immediately. Here, I observed their participation at every level, which instantly put me at ease. Men, women, and children dancing in the circle wore beautifully colored ceremonial garb. The intriguing costumes of the Heyoka women caught my eye, their movements playfully contrary to that of the dancers. I could relate to the joy inherent in lightening the mood amid such serious practice. Each moment flowed out unexpectedly from our untrained perspective, though my perception was of a flexibility and freedom woven into the fabric of this sacred space. The arbor was a container purposed with holding space for the magic. As I connected with the energy around me, I felt a sense of limitless possibility.

The dance itself begins early enough to greet the rising sun, generally concluding past dark. The boundary of the circle itself is defined by equally spaced sticks placed standing on end, in the ground. These have been beautified with natural pigment and trimmed with feathers. We were told these 405 sticks are for the nations. My Lakota friends believe that each “oyate”, or nation, of conscious beings of the world (such as tree nation, creepy-crawler nation, etc.) are present for the ceremony via the “saga chekiya” (prayer sticks). Prior to our arrival, the arbor had undergone four days of purification and the procurement and placing of a new tree at the center. The dance portion of the Sundance Ceremony lasts for four days.

Inside the arbor, a gate is situated at each of the four directions. Flags of a corresponding color are found at each one — yellow for East, white for South, black for West and red for North. Participants utilize these gates to access the circle. Two supporters flank each gate with smudge pots of burning cedar held out on long handles, the smoke of which is meant to purify the space and all who pass through it. Smoke is understood as well, to carry the prayers skyward. The singers and drummers are placed just beyond the circle in this configuration, outside of the South Gate. Dancers fast for the four purification days, as well as the four days of the dance, taking only a prescribed amount of sage tea, to prevent dehydration. Each segment of the dance is known as a “round” and the timing of any one round is set by the activity taking place within it.

Those I spoke with about the ceremony believe that your skin is your only true possession in this life. Stemming from that, flesh is at the source of the sacrifices being made in conjunction with the prayers offered. Dancers may be pierced through the flesh of their arms, chest or back. The piercings may then be attached to a ceremonial object of significant weight, which is subsequently attached to hang from or be dragged along the ground, by the dancer. Not every round is a piercing round, but they would easily be described as the most intense. Another level of intensity features the extreme commitment of the Eagle Dancers, who remain in the circle for the entirety of the four-day ceremony, connected to the tree by ropes from their piercings, sleeping on the same ground where they dance. All Sun Dancers make a four-year commitment to perform this practice.

During a piercing round, the dancer offering a prayer in this manner invites both the penetration of their flesh as well as subjecting themselves to the means to forcefully break the piercing’s bonds. The piercing is torn free, as it rips through the skin. Witnessing this holds a particular intensity for the viewer and I had trouble circumventing my natural response, which was to gasp, out loud! I had to retrain my focus to accept the fact that what I beheld was purely intentional. The blood spilled in this context was a triumphant statement of personal, spiritual significance. I had to recontextualize the cries I heard not as conveying pain, but of great achievement. It was a shift to get my mind around it, but I wanted to offer my support in a way that was aligned properly with the intention.

It’s quite something to invite outsiders into such a space of profound spiritual practice and healing. It took trust and faith on the part of our friend Mike, Lakota chief and the ceremony’s primary producer, to do it. Perhaps he felt it was a natural invitation to extend, but trust is at the heart of such a consideration. The three of us endeavored to be worthy of that faith. The reception we got from the members of Chief Mike’s camp seemed a direct outpouring of his esteem for us. Brandy and I sought opportunities for involvement and greater participation and seized upon the tasks we were given, both in camp and in the ceremony, hoping to contribute what we could.

Our little trio had become acquainted with Mike from an entirely different facet of his life. But it came as no surprise to us that his people loved him as they did. We ourselves had felt an instantaneous bond upon meeting him. As we immersed ourselves in the culture, it was easy to see that he both attracted these people and elevated them, to a place beyond where their own efforts would carry them. Some have invested years or decades into this practice. The Chief’s actions on their behalf created healing for individuals and benefit for the community as a whole.

We most wished to honor our friend and his event. Both Brandy and I were aware of Mike’s desire to include KT (who has suffered some major recent health challenges) in some aspect of a healing round. It was impossible to dwell upon how that might play out, so I busied myself meeting calls for volunteers. This sent me to take up a position guarding at the East Gate on the final morning of the dance. As the round concluded, and the others left the circle, I found myself in solitude, awaiting the next person to take up the post. My attention turned to the tree and I began to contemplate its significance with steady, calm breaths.

“Trust”, said the tree as I focused on it. I was already a touch overwhelmed by the events taking place around me, as well as the notion of my place in the scheme of it all. The yellow flag, longer than the others, was the only one that lifted in the otherwise stagnant midday heat. My eyes dropped long enough to pinpoint my friend’s familiar form at the edge of the arbor. When the dance rounds were underway, he could be found directing improbable amounts of action around him with ease and grace. Mike’s arrival in our lives comes at a point where the card deck of his own life is experiencing a re-shuffle. But it’s obvious that this is his true calling. This practice and these people are where his heart resides. How we, his new friends fit into this world, seemed yet mysterious. “Just trust,” the flag whispered, undulating proudly on its lone current of air.

While interacting with Mike’s longstanding spiritual family, I was mindful of this. Conscious of impressing them with the idea that he would be similarly cherished, loved and appreciated, should he cross the country to take up residence in our region. This is a move for which groundwork is currently being laid. I did my best to reinforce the idea that we are fully aware of how special he is. Although he is a newer arrival in our lives… the reassurance I offered them arrived from a deeper place of knowing.

“Trust”, said the tree.

KT, Brandy and I learned that on this final afternoon, we would be invited into the circle to support Mike in his prayer. In my heart of hearts, I was trepidatious about witnessing the pain of this trial so close-up, happening to a loved one. “Trust”, came the echo. Meanwhile, in a brilliant stroke, our Chief had opted to center his personal sacrifice in support of healing KT. I have only been blessed with knowing KT these past few years, but I have never seen him aglow on so many levels as when he joined Mike in that circle! For the length of the experience, he beamed with a force and a radiance he must have exuded as a younger man.

We prepared ourselves and entered the arbor, following Mike and the others toward the tree, forming a circle around the buffalo robe stretched out on the ground for this purpose. There, he laid down and was pierced twice through his back, above the shoulder blades. These would be new additions to the hundred-odd scars already visible. From those piercings, ropes were added that were then attached to seven buffalo skulls, tied off in a daisy chain, at perhaps two-foot intervals from one another. This heavy burden was intended to be dragged along the ground behind him, for the length of time he could humanly bear it, or until the piercings ripped free.

Mike took KT by the hand and they agreed to make this journey together, dedicated to KT’s healing. The supporters fell into line behind them and I took up a position behind the final skull. My heart fluttered wildly as I experienced the pain of watching my friend yolked to this impossible burden by the tether of his own flesh. Tears began to spill from the corners of my eyes and my breath came in increasingly ragged gasps. In my mind, I could accept the fact that this pain was borne of intention, but witnessing it at such close range did nothing aid my strong desire to intervene, ceasing it.

The procession continued and one of Mike’s friends beckoned me forward. I kept just off behind Mike’s right-hand side and the emotions that enveloped me then felt amplified to a power of 10! I crossed sides to join hands with KT and I felt as though I had plugged into pure source energy. I concentrated on staying connected to both my friends, hoping to share whatever useful strength I possessed. It was unlike any feeling I’ve ever had or had to describe. I felt myself to be fully awake inside of a dreamlike state. Mike radiated pure, tangible light outward, in my perception.

Everything else of consequence faded away as we pushed onward, out the East Gate for a wide loop outside the arbor, then back around to find the circle again. Time fluctuated, seeming first endlessly expansive, then collapsing inward upon itself into non-existence. My awareness centered upon the three of us who led the way for the procession. I couldn’t fully distinguish the boundaries anymore that separated us. Through Mike, I felt a sudden connection with every person who had taken part in every aspect of the ceremony I witnessed. I was awash in admiration for the courage and compassion that he made so accessible, to me and to us all.

We reached the point where Mike was unable to labor one single step further and two of the other Chiefs stepped forward to help him break the bonds. KT and I moved away from our friend. Mike thrust his staff back towards me as the other men wrapped their arms firmly through each of his. I was full of uncertainty about actually taking the staff, but a pointedly reassuring smile came from a nearby supporter, so I’d understand it was okay. Every emotion I’ve ever experienced in my lifetime coursed through my body. They crowded against one another, making me feel foo insignificant a vessel to contain them. I wasn’t able to transmute Mike’s suffering at that moment, or seemingly the sufferings of the world. But he did seem to be accomplishing just that, as red rivers of blood ran from the fresh wounds on his back.

Our group reentered the circle so the Chief and KT could pray at the tree. I was unsure of my place and was going to stand back respectfully or exit the circle entirely. But I was corrected and sent in towards the tree. I reached in with just one hand, trying to be unobtrusive. Mike shifted slightly and partially covered over my hand, with his. I slipped one little finger out from beneath to place over his hand, squeezing down tight. My heart opened completely in that gesture. Everything fell perfectly still and silent. An adequate space was created within me to hold each emotion simultaneously. The love that flowed from my heart I knew would join me to the exploration of this path. The beginnings of future bond to this practice and these people under Mike’s protection and care grew within me, along with a sense of our lives unfolding down a road created. In gratitude, I stood at the tree, immersed in the peaceful, present eternal.

We exited at the South gate and I recall steering KT toward a chair. I was about to crumple to the ground, but I felt myself being pushed into a seat. Unaware, I had been sobbing and gasping for breath for some length of time. My hands and feet began to vibrate intensely. The air around me thrummed as well and I suddenly lost all sense of being inside my body. I felt myself much higher up, above everything, in a space of undifferentiated light. I perceived myself as existing somewhere in the immense blue sky. I wasn’t constrained to the confines of my body anymore. I had never before possessed the comprehension of just how small we are. Instead, I grew to fill the boundless expanse around me, becoming one with the enormity of endlessness. For many years, whenever anyone has inquired of my life goals, my reply would be that I desire to become a radiant ball of love. It was something of my origins I understood myself as, in a long-ago dream that I’ve never forgotten. In the place my consciousness traveled to, I felt as if I had momentarily attained it!

Gradually, voices in the world called me back, back into my body. I was much more physically aware of entering than I had been of leaving. I returned bit-by-bit. The voices gave me directions and I followed them. Gradually I opened my eyes, sipped water and reached out my hands to connect to KT and Brandy, who sat on either side of me.

I have never had a spiritual experience approaching this magnitude. I did my best to reflect upon everything that had just occurred, as I sat beside KT after moving to the medical tent. I watched as kundalini energy sent rhythmic shockwaves through his body. I had a hard sell convincing them that his reaction was “perfectly understandable” in the face of what we had all just been through. But my persuasive powers did keep them from sending him off in an ambulance.

I was greatly relieved to look again at Mike’s face and know that he was okay. Of course, this is just one year’s experience of many for him, but I was still a bundle of raw emotion. So much journey yet to be revealed. It really is a time of “New Beginnings”, the theme of the this year’s Sundance. The dance ended with a large communal feast, gifting, giveaways, and goodbyes. I took the time to revisit my spot in the East, to kneel in the grass and gaze toward the center for a quiet moment. I offered a prayer of my own. ‘Just help me to BE enough, to have enough to give to others, in my time here on Earth. I’m certain that’s what I’ve come to this place to ask for.”

“Trust”, replied the tree. “Just trust”, whispered the yellow flag. The evening breeze relinquished it’s grip on the flag and arrived to ruffle my hair. I searched the figures dotted around the arbor until my eyes came to rest once again on Mike, creator of this mystical realm that offered a connection to Spirit for so many, year after year. I kept them there this time, watching the joyful interplay of casual interaction among his intentional family as they vied for his attention. I felt not only the radiance that the setting sun cast across my face but the warmth that originated from a deeper source, distinctly aglow from within.

Madelyn Greco
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