trying to force a square block in a round hole

MADISON GEHRING
Jul 27, 2017 · 2 min read

I could see it. In your eyes, in your movements. The emptiness of you. The absence that consumed your heart like the feeling consumed me. You didn’t love me. You would never love me, not in the way I am yearning for anyways. I get a smile or a laugh and my foolish mind takes that as a piece of hope. Desperate? No, I would say misguided. Helplessly clinging to an empty laugh as a sound of love. This love is not what I dreamt of. This fantasy of holding hands in the car with our out of tune voices melting together to drown out the sound of the rain pounding on the roof, or the 3 a.m. coffee runs to the little shop on Maple St. that never closes-giving the opportunity for teenagers to break curfew as their mild act of rebellion, and the young romantics, like us, to smile at each other over the cracked, white mugs that burn life into our throats at the earliest hours of the morning. Sure, your smile that never reaches your eyes and the stiffness of your hand in mine isn’t what I imagined this feeling to be like, but I only imagined this feeling with you. Tell me how I am supposed to take the main character out of my fairytale and replace him with someone I have not even met yet. I cannot feel the absence you feel because I am in. All in. Consumed down to the core of being wrapped up in you that I am missing you completely.

MADISON GEHRING

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aspiring: writer, poet, and journalit