If you are going to prove anything, don’t let anybody know it. Do it so subtly, so adroitly, that no one will feel you are doing it. Dale Carnegie

Along similar lines of not engaging in arguments, we should also avoid telling someone that they’re plain wrong. If we begin by announcing that we’re going to prove something to someone, we’re essentially telling them that we are smarter than they are and we’re going to teach them a thing or two.

This comes off as a challenge. It arouses opposition and incites in the other person a desire to battle with us.

Instead of starting with “You’re wrong,” what if we were to say, “Well now, I thought otherwise, but I may be wrong. If I am wrong, I want to know why. Let’s examine the facts.”

The latter approach becomes disarming, and often causes the other person to be much more reasonable, or even thank us for having an understanding attitude. It also (hopefully) inspires our opponent to be just as fair and open-minded as we are.

In fact, it’s really not the ideas themselves that are so important to us, but our self-esteem, which is threatened when we are told that we’re wrong. Without our egos threatened, we may become very open to exploring new possibilities.

Next time you find yourself becoming frustrated or disagreeing with another person’s perspective, stop yourself from shaking your head, and adjust how you phrase your opinion:

No, you’re wrong.”

✅Why do you see it that way?”

❌No, that’s the wrong way to tackle.”

✅Why do you think that’s the best option to pursue?”

You might even ask the other person for permission to share your perspective on the matter, which readies the other person to listen to your ideas in a less critical mindset.