For Nina.

I heard your laugh in my dream last night. It was exactly the same as it had always been. I didn’t know my brain had stored it their for safe keeping, so that in times of grief or sadness I could hear your laugh again.

I heard your voice in my dream last night, because after 10 years I had your voice memorized. I knew your subtle lisp and when you would inflect. I knew the exact moments you would use mocking tones and screeching sounds.

I had a dream that I knew you were going to die, someone had warned me it was going to happen. I spent my dream trying to change your timeline. Convincing you to do something else, with someone else, somewhere else.

I know it was just a dream, but some nights when I’m in the twilight state of being half asleep and half awake, I wonder if I could have done something. Not just in my dream scape, but in the reality that we both shared.

I still wear your G-Unit shirt you gave me in 11th grade, we traded the shirts off of our back during passing period. Seven minutes to get from one side of the school to the other, instead we took that time to change our outfits before anyone noticed.

Your mom let us choose items left over from your NY apartment to bring home with us at your memorial. I didnt have to look through the book selection or jewelry box to know I was going to take the biggest hoop earrings in the bunch. Paying homage to the style we both never gave up, long after people found hoop earrings as an acceptable form of fashion.

I knew you would be my best friend forever, the only difference being I thought we would grow old exchanging life stories, instead you are preserved in my memories as the 24 year old girl that you were the last time I saw you. it doesnt matter what I age I am, or where I am, I will always think of you as you were. Smiling, scared, and ready for you next adventure.