The Not So Laughy Taffy Pit of Doom
Hello.
To those still reading this blog: you rock. Thanks for sticking with my madnesses! ❤
Onwards!
Things have been pretty crazy for me. I (finally) have a part-time gig (yay–I can eat again!). Unfortunately having to work for someone else means my time is no longer free as a bird. I can’t devote all my time to growing my artistic empire…I mean…uh, art making. Yes, that sounds less diabolical.
My plan one day is to be some sort of amalgam between writer, rock star and artist…but I’m not there yet. So obviously the solution to that is to use every drop of free time on that plan, right? (So much for eating?)
So that means all my projects not only have to exist, they have to be PERFECTION. Cause that’s the only way I can become MADISON SKYE, WRITARTROCK STAR, RIGHT?!
So let’s see… I have Goth Gal, Alison:Wonderland, The Giant Novel, and Ghouline all planned for the next three months–oh and being human I kind of have to sleep. But I can probably fudge on the sleeping thing, right? I mean I need EVERY DROP OF TIME to make this work. How else am I going to be a star by December?
Are you noticing a problem here?
Today I was doing a screen test for Ghouline when suddenly a sort of artistic anvil fell on me. It started out with me contemplating how cool Ghouline would be, even if I can’t actually afford the equipment I need to do it right… Maybe people won’t notice if the video games are barely recognizable?
Oh and then there’s Goth Gal. The last two comics have come out after 9pm. This isn’t because I’m in some sort of weird time zone…this is actually because I fell behind due to the time suck of the new part time gig. (Still grateful to have food and such, but it does take time…)
Now finally we add that in my schedule Alison:Wonderland is supposed to launch in November, with at least 5 full detailed comic/manga style pages done, and tons of planning.
Oh, and don’t forget my debut novel which I’m still editing. I have no idea when I plan on releasing it.
There are also 5 other books I’m working on that aren’t even in the same series…
Sure, I can launch many crazy complicated projects all at once that would be INSANE to attempt individually…
I.
SURE.
CAN.
(It was about this point in my day that a crushing panic set in.)
After I had stopped trying to crawl under my bed (which sits on the floor with no space underneath it), I decided all my projects were terrible. Also, I am terrible. Also, none of my work is good. It all sucks, I suck, and Neil Gaiman hates me…
Okay, so Neil doesn’t even know I exist…but if he DID he WOULD hate me…cause I am just that BAD…
(Neil Gaiman is amazing in case you don’t know. Go read books by him.)
I also probably looked slightly ridiculous dressed as Ghouline while having an artistic breakdown. Ghouline (for those wondering):
I’ve been stuck in this sticky, dark, my-art-sucks-pit for a loooooong time today. I have in fact only just now come out of my hole with something useful in my head (thanks to very long conversations with some peeps, and Katy Perry’s Part of Me life info/documentary/film/thingie). I thought I would share my conclusions with everyone here.
Maybe one of you is having/will have your own artistic taffy crisis and this could help? (More likely, I’m being egotistical and I just like to see my thoughts on the internet.)
Art is like candy, too much just gives you pain.
Yep. You heard me. Too much art is a thing.
I imagine you are gathering your things and preparing to leave this theater. I mean really, how ridiculously mad is this…madwoman? I ask that you stay long enough to hear me out before you run away from the stage.
FIRE!
Sorry, I’ve always wondered about that…
Back to art candy.
Some candy is bad, some candy is good, some candy is great and some candy is basically a religious experience (girls, you know exactly what I mean…also guys who happen to like candy…).
If, however, you sit there stuffing yourself with candy endlessly, you will not only be uncomfortable, you will most likely make yourself very ill. You might even kill yourself eventually if you don’t listen to the brain’s/body’s warnings.
Now, art.
Art is amazing and wonderful and makes the world go round. Creating art is amazing and wonderful and makes my world go round. Art IS a religious experience. However, like candy, I need to listen to my brain’s/body’s cues about art.
See, I come up with ideas ALL THE TIME. Literally while writing this post I’ve had something like seventeen ideas that are all unique to some different artistic scheme.
Don’t get me wrong: I LOVE THAT.
I love being spontaneous and crazy and jumping fully into my latest art idea…but I tend to burn out quickly then jump onto another idea, and another, and another, and you get the idea. Before I know it, I’m surrounded by artistic gore. Bits and pieces of ideas, pictures, writings, and songs lie around me in crazed piles, none of them complete, some of them trying to shamble towards me in a half-life haze. Like Victor Frankenstein, wonder turns to horror and I flee my poor creations. Eventually they get stuffed into drawers and new ideas take their places.
Someone recently pointed out to me that if I could focus all of my attentions on each piece ONE AT A TIME, I could make a masterpiece instead of macaroni art. No hate to macaroni art. Macaroni art is great, if that’s your thing. Macaroni art is NOT my thing. I suck at macaroni art. (Also, I am a celiac and gluten causes me serious problems…)
So, I pondered what this lovely person told me and realized they were right. No matter how badly I want to DO ALL THE THINGS, I seriously need to focus. All the pressure I’m heaping on myself to perform/make more BETTER art is only making me sick inside. It’s poisoning the part of me that processes art, just like too much sugar poisons the part of me that processes candy.
So, how to get out of this sticky situation?
Make a decision.
Decisions are hard. Admitting failure is hard. Realizing that I have to change is SUPER HARD. But not making decisions, and not admitting that my approach needs to change is even harder. Sure, I could probably delude myself for a while longer, but I would be right back here before long. What would that accomplish?
Nothing.
It would only take even more time away from the art that I want so desperately to make. So, I have made some decisions. In the interest of doing a wonderful job on each single project, I am going to focus on two things: Goth Gal and The Small Novel. Ghouline is postponed. Alison:Wonderland is postponed. The Giant Novel is postponed.
I will come back to these projects when I can, but right now is not the time for them. And I feel better now than I’ve felt all week.
So to avoid getting stuff in the Not-So-Laughy-Taffy-Pit-of-Art-Doom:
Give yourself the freedom to say no!
Take a break when you need it!
Change your mind!
Rethink things often!
Allow yourself to LIVE!
Enjoy the process!
Don’t anchor so many expectations to your dreams that your soul sinks to the bottom of the sea.
Dreams are designed to fly.
Sometimes flying means hopping from branch to branch, sometimes it means falling with flair and getting back up, sometimes it means flapping your little wings like mad against a gale and sometimes it means soaring above the clouds effortlessly on thermal pockets. Each type of flying has a time and a place.
Pushing yourself is fine, as long as you don’t push yourself over the edge. Right now, I’m hopping from branch to branch again after my fall.
Keep at it and you’ll get there.
And you DO have wings. Some have tiny sparrow wings, others have huge albatross wings, but we all were meant to fly. If you weren’t made to fly, you wouldn’t have any wings.
FLY!
❤
Originally published at madisonskye.me on October 2, 2015.
