I can certainly relate. Every “mistake” in my life I have internalized as a failure which causes me to withdraw from everyone in my life. The “not good enough” syndrome has driven me to achieve. I am grateful for this life and yet I am so very tired of dragging this burdensome weight: you better push yourself to achieve because you must prove to the world that you deserve to live here.
Well, Hannah, in celebration of your courage, I say “bull shit”. I deserve a spot at the table of life, just because. Welcome Aboard!!