mind the gap.

Mind the gap” is an audible or visual warning phrase issued to rail passengers in the UK (and elsewhere) to take caution while crossing the horizontal, and in some cases vertical, spatial gap between the train door and the station platform.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mind_the_gap

The gap I’m referring to here is the gap between where I am in my life and where I want to be.

Over the past few years, when I find myself in a place that I clearly do not want to be, I remember this phrase “mind the gap.” It reminds me to stop and evaluate and to see what’s going on. It can be easy to get caught up in the stress or drama of a situation, and honestly I don’t always catch myself right away. But when I take a step back, take a look from a logical and unemotional standpoint, I can see where I was, where I want to go, and what it is that seems to be creating ‘the gap’.

Right now I’m feeling the gap. I feel the longing for the life that I wish for. I feel the disappointment over feeling that I’ve been here before and wondering what I did wrong to end up back in this same place. I feel my body and soul buckling under the pressure of trying to climb higher and faster and to retrain myself to do the things that I know work in order to climb my way out of this gap. I feel the mental exhaustion of trying to keep positive, focused, and motivated. I’m putting one hand over another, one foot over another, and trying with all my strength to continue to climb.

Some days I find a ledge and take a nap, hoping that it will renew and recharge me for the climb ahead. I look up, trying to judge the distance to the top, hoping to see an end in sight. Some days I look down, trying to see how far I’ve come and trying to judge if I am even getting anywhere. Most days I see progress. Some days I’m not sure I’ve even moved.

Every day I try to bear in mind that this is just practice. That the discomfort that I feel is just me trying to learn and grow and to master this part of my life. I think of how beautiful life will look and feel once I arrive at my goals. I think about how relieved I will be to rest, finally, on the other side. I pray for strength and guidance and for all of heaven’s help as I climb. Some days a gentle breeze blows me upward, relieving my exhaustion. Some days I feel a tug from above or a push from below, some divine aid coming to my rescue.

I take comfort in writing about “my beautiful life” that I see for myself and my family in the future, designed by me for me. Writing and affirming a thing helps me to process it and to either let go of the past or to make real a future dream. I’ve done it before with miraculous results. I’ve created for myself and my family things in my life that came so easily that it felt like it wasn’t even me doing any work. I’ve co-created with others and seen their dreams come to life. And so proof from the past renews my faith in my creative ability as I pace myself upward, steadily climbing toward my heart’s desires.

We all have these gaps. Some gaps feel like the grand canyon. Some gaps we think are the grand canyon turn out to be potholes. But they all can feel equally as difficult to traverse. I’ve found myself on the other side of a gap many times in my life looking back thinking “wow, that was easier than I thought!” And a great many times wondering if I would ever have the strength or endurance to even find a ledge on which to take a deep breath.

Ironically, when I find myself stepping over or jumping across a gap, thinking that maybe I can just shortcut my way to what I want and skip the entire learning and growth process, I find that eventually the gap comes back around again, sometimes wider.

I love Wayne Dyer’s retelling of a story that goes like this:

THERE’S A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK
 Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
 By Portia Nelson.

Chapter One
 I walk down the street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I fall in.
 I am lost …. I am helpless.
 It isn’t my fault.
 It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter Two
 I walk down the street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I pretend that I don’t see it.
 I fall in again.
 I can’t believe I am in this same place.
 But, it isn’t my fault.
 It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter Three
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I see it is there.
 I still fall in … it’s a habit … but, my eyes are open.
 I know where I am.
 It is my fault.
 I get out immediately.

Chapter Four
 I walk down the same street.
 There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
 I walk around it.

Chapter Five
 I walk down another street.

Life is a learning process. We learn through repetition. Practice makes perfect. Although change can be scary, change is what keeps us moving forward. It’s evolution. Even when we think that we’re moving backwards, our higher selves know that backwards momentum is not possible on the path of life. We wind up in familiar places to re-learn and to master life skills and to move forward further and faster than before.
 The gaps can be painful. But I have learned that I actually thrive when challenged. I love the feeling of accomplishment and growth. I don’t always love the growing pains, but I love the growth!