You can’t alway get what you want!… Or can you?!
Is it ok to want what you want and need what you need… and to depend on others to meet those needs? Contemplate your answer to this question before you read on. Seriously, answer the question! It will be easier to see where you currently stand if you answer it before you read on.
There is a spiritual teaching out there that says we should become independent and provide for ourselves the things that we wish other people were giving us. Outer experiences are a reflection of the inner landscape, so the amount self love, self worth etc… that your are able to attrat does begin with-in. This does not mean though that you should give up on wanting others to love and celebrate you.
The “complete yourself” teaching is an attempt to release people from powerlessness and thinking they are victims or lack control in their lives. Many people begin thinking that someone else is the only source of their need(s), and this becomes powerlessness. It makes you needy and makes others feel obligated and ovely responsible.
The other end of the spectrum is to close of from receiving. We often decide upon self sufficiency when we have been hurt by needing something from someone that we did not get. Relying on the self feels empowering and can definitely get us out of victim mode. While self sufficiency can release unhealthy patterns, if it becomes a way of life than it leads to loneliness, blocks to receiving, and it goes against our true nature of unity.
To depend and rely on others is to become one… which is our ultimate desire! Depending on others is our natural state as we aspire to achieve oneness and connection to all that is. This is the Divine state we were born from and it is what we spend our lives trying to experience. It’s what makes us feel desperate to find “the one” (aka the oneness!) and to create intimacy in our lives.
The absence of this is the void that we have all felt at one point or another. So, do we try to fill this void externally or not?! That depends! To rely on yourself to meet your own needs can be liberating… but results in you viewing yourself as separate (alone)… which will just increase the void.
Does it serve you to liberate yourself from a painful connection where you are consistenly not getting your needs met? Yes!
Does it serve you to then talk yourself out of that need or vow to not depend on others? No!
Due to dissapointments we have felt in dependence, many of us convince ourselves that we don’t (or should not) want what we want and need what we need if getting it makes us depend on others.
Based on the law of attraction… you can absolutely get what you want and need… so long as you believe that you can. Not getting what we want and need only occurs when we are trying to get it from an incapable source and thus begin to believe that we cannot have it. It is like going to the hardware store for milk! The answer is not to give up on wanting milk… it is to go to the store that has milk!
You have been trying to con someone or something into meeting your needs that does not want to or is not capable of doing so. Give yourself permission to want what you want and need what you need and give others permission to be who and where they are.
Do some self reflection and notice where you are in the process. You can look at any area of your life where you are unclear about what you want or where you feel like you are dissatisfied. The first step is noticing what you want. This is not something you have to “figure out” … you just need to follow your desires. Your body is a better gage than your mind at recognizing desire. What makes you FEEL good? Once you become aware of your desires… trust them!
If we let what makes us feel good be our compass, the result would be happiness. Desire is calling you towards your bliss.
The second step is to recognize if you believe you can have what you want. There are likely some beliefs trying to convince you that you can’t have what you want, and that based on past experiences it may not be a safe or smart desire. If you find yourself trying to pretend that you don’t want what you want or if you are trying to talk yourself out if wanting it… then you have some beliefs and pain from the past to deal with.
This may be the most challenging part of the process b/c there are subconscious fears that are running the show and there is some suppressed pain that needs to be faced. If this is where you are, find a healer or a therapist and work through your stuff! Be grateful for the experiences showing up that may be triggering that pain and recognition of the deserted desire.
The third step is to notice if you are at the hardware store for milk. It should be pretty easy to figure out! You are now clear on what you want and you trust that you can have it, so you just need to ask for it! Walk up to the clerk and ask if they sell milk at this store. Any hesitation in doing this reveals that you still have not completely worked through the first 2 steps! If you realize that you are at the hardware store when what you want is some milk, it will be your choice whether to shop there for awhile longer.
There may be some other gifts you are enjoying that are only available at the hardware store! Your clue as to whether to stick around is the amount of joy you are feeling. If it is an enjoyable experience then there are needs being met.
There is one other thing to consider… If you are enjoying an experience (which will be obvious to you b/c you feeling drawn to it and it makes you feel good) then don’t talk yourself out of it b/c it does not fit what you THOUGHT you wanted or what you think you should be doing. If it is not feeling good and you are dissatisfied, you are likely settling and you should consider moving on.
What comes next? Fast forward through this process and you now find yourself having an experience that has you all blissed out! Thoughts will likely start creeping in like… “this is too good to be true” or “what if this ends”?! Now it is time to look back and recognize that you manifested what you wanted! Congratulations!!
Take a minute to look around and soak up how awesome it is and sit in gratitude. You have just proven to yourself that you have the power to manifest what you want. Even if the experience is another person meeting your needs…realize that it was you all along creating the experience for yourself by attracting that person. So you are still relying on yourself as the creator of your experiences… so you are not actually dependent after all!
The fear of loss can make us crazy and there are no guarantees that things will not change. So instead of gripping onto your new bliss with the fear that it will disappear, return to the realization that you created this bliss by following your desires and it is this process that delivered the bliss. The other person or situation is the current source of your bliss, but it is not the ONLY source. If there comes a time where they are no longer meeting your needs, don’t go on milking a dried up cow. You will always have desires to harvest and there will always be people and situations that will line up and be a match for you to depend on as you bring these desires to life.