Giving no fucks in Marfa, Texas. Photo by Stephanie Marie Boudoir.

Your One True F***

A series of personal reflections from a rowdy priestess

It’s trendy right now to not give a fuck.

We bellow online that we have no more fucks to give because we are done spending time and attention on the small dramas of existence.

Giving a fuck means you take something seriously and so a righteous act of rebellion says bye bye to the things we find distracting, undignified or just plain dumb. But any rebellion for the sake of rebellion is wasted energy.

After all, how much attention do you give the spectacle?

The desire to give no more fucks is an act of revolution in a world seized by screens. The declaration to give no more fucks is a stake in the ground. The decision to give no fucks is a commitment to personal sovereignty: to owning the authority of our now. The influence others exert in our lives is not to be underestimated, but interrogated.

This is all assuming that you are operating at a certain level of awareness.

The reality is, sometimes we don’t give a fuck simply because it’s easy, a cop out. It’s easier to leave someone on read than engage and risk revealing our hard, honest truth. What some call the Irish exit or French good-bye: slipping out the back door rather than confront a rude awakening. But let’s do ourselves a favor and call it what it is: the release of total responsibility.

After all: caring is active.

Not giving a big fat fuck then is the desire to protect a valuable commodity: our energy.

The empty-handed transactions and hollow interactions of an age where one can be overextended with a million social media accounts but never invested in real relationships take a toll on us. The internet has made it easy — or maybe impossible — to care about everything and thus nothing at all. In a world saturated with opinions and influencers and notifications and branded lifestyle gurus and constant interruption, the true cost of unconscious engagement is more than your attention, it’s your awareness. Consciousness is now a commodity with a price tag and the paradox is that even when we don’t give a fuck, it doesn’t guarantee that we’re free.

In fact, we might be more fucked for not giving a flying fuck.

The worst reason to not give a fuck is because you do not dare to care. Sometimes giving a fuck is a very radical act that proves dangerous for those on the frontlines.

Giving a fuck, it turns out, takes courage. But refusing to give your fucks away freely to anyone with something to say is also not an excuse to escape. You can’t eradicate yourself from the web we all live within and co-create.

Your fucking off has consequences because your escapism is contagious.

It is mission critical to not waste our life or energy — our life’s energy — on the things that exhaust and exploit us. But not giving a fuck for the sake of not give a fuck — to not care too much — misses the whole fucking point. Not giving a fuck about certain things creates a vacuum and we all know nature abhors that.

So maybe it’s time to give some serious fucks.

Because not giving a fuck about some things creates space for major fucks about other stuff. And isn’t that the point?

Isn’t your life one big, beautiful fuck?

On the other side of not giving a fuck is living your One True Fuck. Your One True Fuck is the sublime expression of your soul’s truth and it is not here to play small so you can continue to fuck off. Your One True Fuck does not give a fuck about letting you feel safe and cozy. Your One True Fuck does not Netflix and Chill, it’s here to Hulu and Spank You. Like any good fuck, your One True Fuck has a lot of powerful energy to share with the universe. Your One True Fuck doesn’t know any better since it doesn’t carry around the shame we humans do.

It just IZ you.

Here’s the badnews bears: you, my fearless wizard, are a fuck monster.

The truth is, the One True Fuck scares the hell out of you. Every worthwhile truth should. Touching that energy connects you with the pulse of the planet, the galaxy, the sun. It is the One True Fuck of life too, for life knows how to fuck it up right. Why else would it invent giraffes or Donald Trump? Life likes to roll the dice and it doesn’t play to win.

Life plays to expand.
Do yourself a favor and read that again.

The One True Fuck does not nicely coexist with the human realm. It is hard to wrap our primal brain, however immense, around the responsibility of the One True Fuck DNA we each carry. For it is through this majestic fucking that we live and give our gifts.

It is true that the fuck transcends us, for it is beyond us and birthes us. The urge comes before the action. The greatest gift we can give then, is to fuck the universe right back.

This isn’t a fuck off or a fuck you — we’ve already done that — but rather thrusting with the force of a million years of evolution behind you.

Fuck your life like a volcano that can’t stop erupting.
Fuck your life like a mother lioness who’s hungry for blood.
Fuck your life like a god fighting the stars for light.
Fuck your life like you are breathing for the first time.
Fuck your life like you are saying yes for the last time.

Fuck your life until you can’t stop laughing.
Fuck your life with every cell until you are spent.

The good news is that your greatest fuck is inside you right now. It knows who you are and holds the keys to how you serve the world. It exists in a language you invented. Stop pretending otherwise. It writhes and howls and sings and claps and occasionally shits the bed (don’t we all at some point?) and makes a damn good soup.

It knows how to heal you. It knows how to live.

Your One True Fuck is waiting to be opened like a gift.


Katharine Hargreaves is a writer, facilitator, and culture alchemist living and playing in California. A translator of tectonic patterns of transformation, Katharine invents interactive experiences and social rituals for a new humanity. She is the founder of ARKO, a culture lab for human connection and AWAKYN, a card game changing the world one magic moment at a time. Find more of her writing at The Fearless Experiment: a way to evolve your world through adventure or get on her monthly mailing list for raps from a real life wizard.

Magic. Transformation. Shenanigans.

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