Tan ‘n’ lovely ⁣

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I had many discussions before posting this photo – with myself, my mother, my girlfriends, and my coworkers. ⁣

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Why? I didn’t think I looked bad. I think I looked pretty and felt super confident about it. But I was wondering – is it too much? Am I showing too much leg? Is it inappropriate? ⁣

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I sometimes feel like I’m always censoring myself and my body – I’m too fat, I’m showing too much skin, I’m dressed too loud, I’m doing too much. I am too much. It’s taken years for me to realise that this was completely based on other people’s views, societal expectations, internalised self-hate and more. I detached myself from my body and let others throw their hate, opinions and general negativity at it. ⁣

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Some of you are going to find this inappropriate. Some of you will think I’m being sexual. Some of you will think this is dramatic. And lol, I can’t stop you from thinking that or having that opinion. ⁣

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I have to continue to live with the fact that femme bodies are sexualised. And more often than note, brutalised. I have to think about hiding myself while people with masculine bodies can post shirtless beach pics and not have to worry about their reputation. ⁣

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I hate that I had to think for days before posting this. I hate that I had to go through this process. I hate that I felt like I needed to justify myself. ⁣

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What am I doing now? I am trying to reclaim my body, my image, and unlearn everything I’ve been told to “fit in” and slowly start over. I’m far from being fully body positive. I’m just trying to hate the body I was born in a little less everyday. ⁣

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P.S. I also wore a bikini on this trip. You’ll probably never see those photos. Alas, I’m showing “too much”.