Why Interested and not Interesting??
Many of you may be thinking of “what is this interested and interesting thing”?? and “whether there is any significant difference between the two”?? Well it is really important to understand the difference. Interesting is when you focus on attracting others to like your personality but interested is when you show a potential interest in the other person; his life routine, schedule, interests, hobbies, problems and critical times etc. In fact it is quite amazing and you will also agree with it that being interested and being interesting are on one side of the coin interrelated and on the other side they are the extremes of each other where one will not exist in the presence of other. Stating clearly, one who tries to be interesting eventually loses the charm of his personality. But one who is more interested in others, undergoes such an evolution in his personality that inculcates a special charm and people get interested in him as if its a mirroring phenomena. But this mirroring happens only when you are interested in others and consequently they get interested in you but not in the other case where people get annoyed of the thing “I..I..I…I…I…I.” This all is a briefing of a chapter that i recently read form Dale Carnegie’s book.
“How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie is a very famous book on psychology that tells you how to make good friends and be a good friend. The author has shared life experiences of many notables to explain his point of view. These life experiences give a clear picture of how important it is to give importance to others petty matters in order to show them that you have interest in them and this results in other being interested in you. All of this stuff seems really good to read but — — — .
So what about all this theoretical stuff?? Are they just philosophies? Or they have some reality in them?? How can one know it, except if you go for a practical to have firsthand experience of it. Had anyone of you ever tried such a thing? Because i did it. After reading a chapter of this Book, i thought of implementing it to my daily life and see whether Dale is right or not. Any guesses??? Yes! it really worked out well. I did not apply it to everyone all of a sudden as it may be very tiring, standing with others, talking about them, there life hacks, and stuff like that. No matter what these books say, i never believe them and how come I talk to one for 20–25 minutes only about what he did last night?, or the weekend? or what he ate in the morning and was planning to do the next hour??. Honestly I am a self centered person and the foreknowledge of ignoring the factor of “I” and talking about “You” just gave me a strong headache. But i was also desperately wanting to know whether it really works so i was IN this challenge. And yes it did work. When i went to my class the NEXT morning, i encountered one of my colleagues who i actually don’t like, but that’s another thing, so i said hello to her with a warm smile, she smiled back coldly. At that instant, i was like “Oh dear! i think Dale made some mistake or he may have tested it on his close friends, because it really did’nt work with me….. wrong idea! let it go! ” and then at the second instant i shattered this negativity “ Oho! be positive, it’ll work. Lets try another one..” So i asked her how was she doing?, how had her last day been?, she looked pale, why?, was all fine?, how’s her project going? so on and so for. She told me she had some WORK TO DO AND SHE LEFT. But it felt a bit better and i realized the theory was working a bit. I did the same thing the next morning, and the next morning, and that afternoon and i found that the ice was really melting. And conclusively, it was fun. But i am still confused how come i have never talked to her like that before, or never felt this way ;“ maybe she has changed, she was rude for sure and i had tried to be polite and friendly with her always, maybe she was in a good mood that day, maybe she had a fight with her best friend and she was therefore just passing her time with me”; these are all the lame excuses that i had been giving to me since that day trying to overcome that mixed feeling; of anger, confusion, surprise and shame and yes! achievement too; i had after that experience because deep down i knew it was my fault as i had always been more passionate about telling others about myself and trying to be interesting then to be interested.