On the poverty of expectation

As young men and women, we are subtly but relentlessly trained to practice the poverty of expectation.

Let me show you what I mean. How many of you have had your friends or family tell you “The key to happiness is not expecting anything.” Or “Keep your expectations low so if anything happens it’ll be great!” While donning the Agony Aunt cap, I, myself, have said this to friends more often than I can remember. But, it’s only now that it struck me how discouraging this advice is.

It’s like telling someone, “Hey, so you REALLY want this awesome thing to happen to you, but play inane mind games with yourself, pretend like you don’t really want this thing you crave and the universe will conspire to make it happen for you.” What a load of bullshit.

The entire logic of suppressing desire or at least the human need to express it seems so counter-intuitive. We have fallen into this mirage of a safety net of lowering expectations as a means of self-preservation. But does it really help?

I don’t claim to know of better ways to handle (potential) disappointment but surely there must be some method a lot less defeatist. There has to be. Because we have reached a point where expecting anything at all is close to being looked down upon. Especially if it’s another person you expect things of. If you’re the one who expects stuff, you’re looked upon as the more needy one in the relationship dynamic. The person who doesn’t must be “stronger” because they seem to need/expect nothing of you. They surely have it all figured out. What a sham.

So instead of fooling yourself into believing that you should tone down the intensity of what you desire, why not just be forthright about it? What’s the worst that can happen? If it doesn't work out your way, too bad. Get some perspective and you’ll get over it. The low-expectation bait was not going to help anyway!