How to Deal with Pain…
How can we break the chains that bind us by pain, and how can we let go of the aching we feel inside? How can you truly let go of someone, and accept their departure? Pain is one of the deepest emotions. It releases termites to devour every inch of your heart, until either depression or indifference wins over. And really, you can never tell which one is worst!
If you ask a psychologist, they all would illustrate the five scientific stages of grieving that starts with Denial, and goes all the way through anger, bargaining, depression and finally Acceptance. And it is true, we often pass through these stages, but how is it possible to move from denial to acceptance without depression taking over.
Throughout the five stages of grieving, the majority of people are fully consumed with mechanisms to fight off the pain. But perhaps, we just need to look at it from a different angle. Here are three concepts to adopt that could truly help in dealing with pain.
1. Embrace Pain
The most important rule is to genuinely embrace pain. Unlike the commonly believed by many, pain is in no way related to weakness. Crying, as well, just like laughing and many other emotions are only a proof of our existence. It is a way to communicate who we are and what matters to us. Having the ability to truly understand your emotions and having the ability to express them requires real inner strength. We cannot escape pain no matter how fast we run, even if we blocked our hearts. At some point, in some way, pain will find us; it will be reflected through our reactions and the way we communicate with people. Fighting off pain will only cause us to act aggressively towards people whom we love. It will cause us to become passive towards our dreams and goals. It will cause us to become passive in our every day life. It is a futile war, precisely that pain is an integral part of our identity; fighting it is only fighting ourselves. It is naive to believe that pain will eventually go away. A precious person who left this world today will still mean a lot to you tomorrow. The pain won’t reduce, you will have to accept it and embrace it as part of your identity.
2. Change is the only constant matter
A cliché that we constantly hear over and over again, but it is perhaps the only truth. People enter our lives and others leave. People make promises and they break them. You make promises and you break them. The person you were yesterday is not necessarily the person you are tomorrow. Don’t get too attached to promises; there are no guarantees in this life. Enjoy this moment, enjoy the NOW, be who you really are, be genuine. And always remember, we live in a really big world full of beauty and magic that we will still unravel as we go on. People come to our lives for a reason, but they are not meant to stay forever. We come to this world alone, and we leave this world alone. There are no two souls that live the exact life as another; there are no two souls that are forever attached together. You make your own choices, but don’t expect people to make those same choices. So meanwhile, you might as well just cherish people who are in your life, and respect them enough to let them go when it is time for them to set off on their next journey. Do not over-analyze change; it is inescapable. Let change inspire you to uncover more mysteries.
3. Your only savior is YOU
Perhaps you have experienced the death of a close person, or a bad break up, or perhaps you are hurt because you haven’t achieved what you really wanted to achieve. In any of the cases, no one can help you but yourself. You need to find the time and talk to yourself, as in to truly communicate and connect with your emotions. You need to understand the cause of your pain. Are you really sad for the person who died? Or are you sad because now you will have to live your life without that person? Don’t you realize how selfish we human beings can be? Did we really think we can possess someone’s soul forever? And in the case of break up, are we in pain because of the break up itself, or because our ego was hurt, or just because we didn’t want to deal with this life without that person? And again, did we really expect to possess someone else’s soul forever? Ego is overrated. It is a defensive mechanism we adopted because of society that pressures us into proving who we are, and what is our identity. But you don’t owe an explanation to anyone; no one owes an explanation to you. Somebody else’s actions does not reflect who you are, neither do your actions reflect other people’s identities. Do not allow things to end brutally, if someone wants to leave, genuinely open the door for them. You wouldn’t want someone to dictate your life, or pressure you into staying in a place that doesn’t fit you. So don’t do this to others. Keep the good memories and move forward.
At some point, we all need to truly understand these concepts until they become part of who we are, and would be reflected in all our actions. Life could be cruel at times, and the pain could be so deep. However, always embrace it as part of your new identity. Remember you are not alone in this. At the end of the day, each person adopts the philosophy that best suits them. As for me, I will always choose happiness. I will always choose life. You have the power to make your own choice!