The Worst Nightmare
There is something that I want to get off my chest. Yesterday night, I had probably one of the worst nightmares ever. I was frozen to my core when I came back to my senses. I couldn’t move for few minutes because of sleep paralysis and then started crying with a stream of tears. Then, I composed and hugged myself and remembered all the times I had this feeling, how brave I had been and the amount of courage it took to not give up on myself. I am still here and I can get through this. This, too shall, pass soon.
I’ve had a lot of nightmares because of childhood traumas but this time it collected all of my fears and became a big giant monster who was stealing my breath and left me frozen in a hot evening. My OCD doesn’t let me have peace with checking things again and again. In my dream, I was about to sleep so I checked all the locks of my house. I turned off the lights and laid down, put my glasses aside. Then suddenly, I heard someone enter our house, I knew someone broke into our house. Just when I was about to run, I saw the outside door was open (my worst fear at night and still to this day I keep checking doors again and again).
It was soo dark and scary. I ran to my parents room and tried to wake them up. It was too late and intruders were right in front of me. I couldn’t see them properly because it was dark and I didn’t have my glasses on. It made me so terrified because the feeling of helplessness. The anxiety of not being able to see in unsafe environment is equal to having panic attack. Then, the intruders dragged me to the room where I was sleeping. I still couldn’t see and my view looked as some distorted black image. I was crying so hard. Then, they made me sit on the sofa and tapped my face. One of the robbers sit aside of me. I was so scared, I remember that feeling exactly. I knew what was going to be next. He brought out a knife and cut me. I felt so uncomfortable and terrified. I was crying for help but the other person was pointed the gun at the members of my family. I started screaming but the robber next to me started smirking and said, ‘’Screams are like music to my ears.‘’ and he started laughing. That feeling of not being able to see properly in that pitch black environment was similar to a drowning man who couldn’t even breathe but still calling for help knowing he’d die soon. Then, the scene changed and the next moment I remember is me running on a very big road with no traffic. That road had another lane a bit lower to the first with traffic and fast running cars. That intruder was chasing me and somehow I had run away from that awful place. I jumped to the cliff between two roads, took a deep breath and jumped in front of a fast car and died.
The dream ended there and I suddenly woke up feeling numb. It was the scariest nightmare ever. I wanted to disappear or run away but my body was unable to move. My whole body was sweating. I tried calling the name of my brother who was sleeping right beside me but nothing came out of my mouth not even a muffled voice. I wish these nightmares would stop hurting me like this. and I would stop feeling this helpless. I wanted to scream. I wanted someone to console me and tell me that it was just a dream. And it has nothing to do with real life but I felt so alone. The most heart breaking and lonely moment of my life. I don’t want to forget this dream but I want to overcome these traumas, only If I knew how to.
