Steven Boland
Sep 6, 2018 · 2 min read

Great piece! Its about half my take on this subject.

Of course you are right about the part where ‘property’ should not be a part of a sexual encounter. In ‘popular culture’ (meaning that thing we see day by day in the Western World, and of wich we think is the supreme variant as opposed to say primitive, muslim, Swiss, or whatever) we’re taught ‘to get’. Love, money, self-esteem. Its pleasure for the individual.

You can ‘get’ self-esteem by making someone come. This is the ‘getting property’ part. Great to have, but like this it looks a bit like masturbation. Sure, you are ‘giving’ pleasure, but its in order ‘to get’. A transaction. Now the other person can be in the same deal. Confirming a succesful transaction. ‘I came’. Deal done, everybody happy. But its like masturbation with another human body. A true connection may not even have been there.

Now this sounds a bit sad, and I believe people are in essence wonderful loving beings. But confused a lot of the time.

In a loving togetherness of two (or more) human beings the ‘individual’ merges into a ‘we’. This ‘we’ in a sexual encounter has pleasure. There may be orgasm, which individual body it experiences does not really matter. The ‘we’ as a whole should have a pleasent experiece. Probably after the event the individuals will know if this was the case.

I suppose everybody already has had the ‘we’-experience, hopefully in sexual encounters too. But if you want to remember what this ‘we’ feels like’ think of maybe ‘a team-effort’, ‘being in the movies’, ‘being in a crowd at a concert’, ‘walking your dog’ (yes all living creatures can give you the ‘we-experience’).

The root of this I think lies in the origin of your life. In being in the whomb of your mother. The seperation was painful, but understanding and experiencing this is only a physical seperation makes it ok. And as we are all family, as all living things in essence are, connecting with ‘we’ is so great and enlightning.

So to end my view here. In sexual encounters feel ‘we’. ‘Us’, not ‘I’.

Trust me, I’ve experienced ‘alone’.

Masturbation is a great thing by the way, but thats another story.

    Steven Boland

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    Almost died, now lives