Before you judge me and others…

How to change the way others react towards you?

We are a mix of yesterdays and todays. Things we read, things we believe from 2nd grade, ideas we are committed to, black, white and grey. We are what we believe we are. And then some more.

A person is what she says she is, what she does not say, and also what she does not know about herself. We all have scope of branching in more directions than we are aware of. Is our own understanding of ourselves limiting? Are we way more than who we think we are? By reducing ourselves to our actions and reactions we miss to explore all the capabilities that we can express. We also miss the opportunity to enable others.

So is it our reaction that defines us as a person. How we react and how strongly we react? how we consume sensory information and react? If as a person I don’t say anything and don’t react, will that give you any information to know if am the one you are talking to?

Sometime back, I did a practical experiment on myself. Because of how things were going in my life, I had a sudden distrust in the way I was thinking and acting. So I decided to do the exact opposite of what my brain asked me to. I would scream when it hushes me up and be silent when its going bonkers. It did not change things much to the outside world(or i didn’t know if it did) but inside I was more peaceful. I had successfully erected a wall between my senses, my thought machine and my will to act. I could now act as I see fit in a particular situation based on what is the outcome I need. My actions were no longer based on my world view of what is right and wrong (though that voice doesn’t die, it’s just muted)

When we ignore this fluid state of things,and have a monolithic picture of person — discounting all the thought processes, all the learnings, improvements, struggles, earnest attempts to change — there are dangers of deriving simplistic conclusions. Conclusions that can make us look stupid, do stupid things. Conclusions that do not help us derive the best experience of a situation.

What if each interaction is seen as a part of the essence that is driving the action — whether it is collaboration, value creation or even love. What if we see the past as not just an expression of an individual’s character but an interaction of the character, environmental triggers, beliefs and ideas? And if you don’t like an outcome you can focus on one of those variables than blame the person. And by helping people to react in different ways (by changing the variables), you now open up an entire new way of interaction.

It is possible that our idea of a person can change on certain situations. A strong person might act weak. A tough person can chicken out. What is this continuous assesment of others tell about us? And what we achieve by having this monolithic view of someone? X is this character, she reacts like this usually, I like her blah blah. In contrast, what if we say X says she believes in a, b, c etc., acts out a certain way in certain situations and responds to certain triggers. More like an unknown with few parts known. More like a black box that gives out few signals. Still there is a lot left to explore. This view of someone, especially someone close to you, can be so liberating. You have so much aspects to get into, aspects even she didn’t know. You have so many new ways to interact. You have so many new experiences to go through. So many new dimensions to explore. Suddenly a new path opens, one where we can help each other understand the universe within us.