The fear of shame and how its stopping you from being successful.
How to be shameless and rule the world.
“I am afraid that people will laugh at me after I create the video”.
“I don’t know what people will say about my blog. They might not like it”
“I don’t want to talk about it in front of an audience. I am not sure if I will be good at it”
“I will look stupid”
I have had shame. I really worried about what others think about me. It really bugged me that I might look stupid in one angle or the other. I would obsess myself on what all I could do to make people understand that I am smart, intelligent, open and progressive. Yes, all those things and more. It really meant a lot to me, you know.
I would learn salsa dance. And then take espanol lessons. And then go and work out in the gym for hours. And then go swimming. And wear expensive clothes. Spend hours perfecting my hair do. I wanted people to get the best picture of me. They should see me for who am.
Its my responsibility to present my best whenever I interact with rest of the world. Its my responsibility to show every one all the best I got. Every interaction should improve my image in the minds and hearts of people. Every hurdle has to be jumped, every attempt has to be successful. Everything I do should look like I was born to do it. That I am the man entitled to do what am doing. Why will I do something that am not fit for? Why will I make a fool out of myself?
I wrote a blog, once, long time back. Three articles. I posted on my Facebook feed. And I waited for people to read it and to appreciate it and to comment on it. No likes on FB. No views on blog. No comments. I lost interest. Well, what’s the point when no one is reading it?
After 8 years I tried again. 7 articles. Once in a month. I posted on my Facebook feed, as well as in few groups and pages. I tweeted the articles. And I waited. Nothing, once more. I again lost interest, even though, this time I knew that I should continue writing. I had other important things to do, I convinced myself. Why write if no one cares?
After 10 months, after I moved out of the startup I was part of, I had to start again from scratch. I had no team, no idea what I am going to do, nothing. I wrote once again — because I had no choice. This is the only thing I could do at the time, to engage myself, to create something of value, to help people with whatever I know. I was desperate to do something and had no idea on where to start again.
I wrote, every day. You are writing like you are talking. And am still writing ever since. I posted it on FB, Twitter. Thank god you are not a professional writer. I would send all my blogs to all my friends and prod them to read. You should focus on something you are actually good at. I would take their phones and favorite all my articles. Your blog is so boring I can’t continue after the first few sentences. I would tweet every article of mine multiple times. You are not a writer, you are a talker. And then favorite and re-tweet them. Your blog is shit.
I quote my own articles when I am having an argument with someone. I highlight everything that grabs my eye. I follow every other article writer on earth. I favorite all the articles I see. And I share them on my social media. I spend most of the time writing and rest of the time sharing and re-tweeting. I have become the most shameless bugger in the history of my life.
“This doesn’t make any sense at all”
“This is not going anywhere”
“This is so fucking boring”
“No one is going to read this”
“Why am I even doing this? What is the point of all this?”
“This is bullshit”
Its 2 am in the morning and its raining horses. I listen to the rain every now and then write a few words. And then a few more.
Have you come across situations in life where you had a misconception about something, and it was stopping you from getting something done? And once that was gone you found it so liberating? Like the time you knew that your girl liked you more than you thought, like that could even happen. Or you can actually question the concept of God and nothing bad will happen to you?
Well, its the same thing for me when it comes to Shame. Shame is like the fart gas of the mind. It has put my entire brain under pressure. The moment I released it, life feels normal, again.
- I did all the things that people who are “shameless” will do
- I considered myself “shameless”
- I imagined situations people will be pissed at what I do. I started getting comfortable with that feeling
- I started becoming proud of my “shamelessness”. Being shameless is part of the hustler that I am, I told myself
- I gave a positive outlook to the once negative theme of shame. Its like accepting the long lost cousin back at home after many years of family feud
- I found that being “shameless” is the best offense. You never run out of things that you can do
- Its as liberating as a fart, if not lesser
Shame and Shamelessness is the same thing. Actually there is nothing called less of shame or no shame. You always have shame. You are born with it and you will live and die with it. What you have is the ability for the shame not to impact your actions. Yes you will feel shameful of all the things you have gotten yourself to do. You will cringe at the words you wrote and published, the videos you created, the businesses you were part of. How could you do that? How could you beg your customers to use your product? How could you mop your own office? How could you put the video for public view when clearly your nose looks way bigger than it is in reality?
Ask for a favor from a random stranger. Give value to random stranger. It should not be the same person.
Focus on what the value should be. Will one person at least read it and find it actionable in his or her life. Will one person at least see the video and gain a valuable insight? Then its worth your shame.
Did you try something new for the first time in your entire life and you are already 35? Kiss your shame for allowing you to do it.
Feel the shame. Drench in it. Cover your face like an ostrich. Drink. Dance. Laugh at your self. Or just eat enough ice creams. Do what you got to do. Shame is like love. There is no life without shame. You can’t hide from shame for long.
I am 32, I have nothing on my hand, I call myself an entrepreneur but I have not made much. I write something that very few read. I talk about things very few listen to. I find myself unable to find single opportunity. I find myself in a small bedroom 99% of the times where am writing or coding something. I am weird many times and can’t have a proper conversation with some people. I am awfully bad in conversing with ladies and will kill myself before starting a conversation with a random girl. Most of the times I regret things I have or have not done. Shame used to make me do stupid stuff. Now it just makes me feel stupid, nothing more.
I should be concluding right here because I have nothing more to say about this. I do not have any pseudo wisdom. No pearls. Not even skeletons. I am living this life with shame. I am not handling it. I am not swallowing it. Or pretending it doesn’t exist. I lead a life of shame. Where shame is part and parcel of everything I do. It transitions itself into a pain. I then transition the pain into words and words into sentences, sentences to paragraphs, paragraphs into a blog post. Wishing you a happy life of shame.
P.S: For people who think that there is no relation between the title and content — if you didn’t get it already, this blog is about not having any shame.