Thinking a lot, these days. Thinking about stuff I don’t usually. Some, never before. Looking at life as a whole. Also as a connection of elements. Looking at it from top of a mountain. And also on a microscope.
Reading. Listening. Seeing. Attacking life from various angles. Asking questions all the time. To stop getting affected by the herd behaviour. To stop following and copying what others do. To find the voice — my own. More than finding, its like searching, because I don’t know if it exists.
I am an individual. I am separate from the world. My aims and goals are my own. My desires are for me to attain sensual pleasures. I am also connected with the entire world in a way. What I do affects every other tree and human and animal I am connected with.
I derive value and I give value. I am an individual of choice and free will. But I am also one among million atoms that move about randomly. That all started existing after the big bang. I am this and I am that. Its not mutually exclusive.
What I want from life? This question I could never answer. Till I found out that life was never about what I want. The universe doesn’t exist for my wants. It exists for itself.
What does life want from me? Why it put me in this world? What it wants me to do? To stay low and do things others tell me to ? To go to an office and listen to my bosses and peers? Does life want me to lead an existence for the sake of it? Take the same route to work, talk to the same people, eat the same food, do the same work, day after day, hour after hour?
I hear life speak to me. Sometimes. Not when I just exist. But when I interact with it. When I play with it. When I go to dangerous places. When I hug my life. When I go speak to random strangers. When am in the middle of nowhere. When I help people I don’t know.
I hear life speak to me loud and clear. As I write. As I speak. Especially of things close to my heart. As I stand for things I strongly believe in. As I give and give more to this world.
I listen carefully to what it says. It tells me to chase pain. It tells me to run without taking a break. It tells me to take actions full of life. It asks me to go in for the struggle. It asks me to love. It asks me to get dangerous. I could hear the voice clearly than I ever had. I am not listening to anything else.