Why I don´t trust my feelings anymore
I keep all my personal diaries since I´ve started writing them when I was 13…And this is so awesome. It allows me to remember things I would never ever remember, if it wasn't for that little note I´ve made in the past.
Have you ever found a piece of letter, email, or even a memo you´ve written in the past? And you read it and you cannot figure if it was you who wrote that? Or even worse, you KNOW you wrote that because its your handwriting, but you´re amazed by the words and feelings you had back then, and now…you would never EVER think of writing that stupidity on a piece of paper.
Last night I was reading something I wrote on my diary when I was 18, something about a guy I was totally obsessed with when I had finished high school. I swear, if it wasn't for that letter I wrote in the past, I wouldn't even remember the existence of that guy! It makes me wanna laugh, just how bad I´ve suffered for a guy that right now, I don´t even remember that much. Actually, I don´t remember how his face looks…Or even how he kissed…I don´t remember how sex was with him. BUT, now that I red this letter I found on my diary, I DO remember how bad he made me feel with myself, and how OBSESSED I was about him (this is the one thing that doesn't surprise me at all…since I´m still that way).
My point is, why should we worry so much about our feelings? If its obvious they wont last. They wont last forever, not for a couple of years, and not for a couple of days! What I´m feeling right now, is just happening now. In a couple of days, or maybe hours, I won´t be able to remember the way I felt while I was writing this right now on a friday night, waiting to go out with my friends.
If you don´t have a personal diary (I know this idea sounds stupid and childish when you are 24 like me), I do invite you to, at least, write in a piece of paper or even a note on your iphone, about the way you feel for someone or something. Im sure the same thing will happen to you, as it happened to me last night: in some time, you will read that, and you will laugh.
Enjoy the feeling you are having right now.