Disclaimer: This is a spontaneous, personal, existential, rant. I understand that many people haven’t had the privilege of experiencing what I’ve gone through, for better or for worse, and are striving to barely just make ends meet. I’m not trying to be rude or uncaring or living in “La-La-Land,” but I’m simply talking about myself.

This is a postulate that not many people will understand or relate to. This does not suggest or even strive to hint that I, the author, would be at all unique. Hardly. This is just a reflection on a certain mindset that has grown with me since childhood due to some peculiar circumstances that occurred at an early age. The end result is that I’ve become a person torn between two worlds, mostly hating the negative aspects of each side and striving to find something good to like about each. But every now and then a moment comes like the one nowhere I find myself perplexed about the future arising from this particular dilemma.

Not only am I the product of living in two different multi-cultural countries (yes, Egyptian society is multi-cultural as Christians and Muslims have as many different customs as much as they have in common), but also the product of two different religious backgrounds (they’re both indeed nominally Christian, but the Orthodox and the Protestants also have as many internal differences as they share together).

Today was one of those times, one out of many. An engagement party. I’ve been to many such parties and to weddings and receptions, along many styles and for many cultures. But as a Christian living in Egypt, I’m talking about the specific case of Christian weddings, because as conventional reasoning goes, at some point in life many expect me to be having one, if ever. Now I’ve been to these celebrations in Egypt and in North America. The styles are different, the customs are different, and the whole process of hooking up varies not only according to locale but also according to social status.

Ancient Egyptian customs dictate that the groom proposes to the bride at her father or guardian’s house in a formal elaborate meeting that involves chocolates and oriental sweets. This is to be followed by the formal wearing of the rings. For the Orthodox Egyptians this involves another such elaborate ceremony at the local Orthodox Church of choosing and that entails an “engagement contract,” currently an eventual prerequisite to an Orthodox marriage license and contract. To reach this step one must buy not only the formal wedding rings (not to be confused with the Western diamond ring for the bride, which is also included) and the “binding” [Shabka], a compulsory gift of jewellery the groom always purchases for the bride. Often such festivities are followed by a mini-reception such as the one I just attended, where according to prior arrangement with the invitees it would be at their expense or at the couple’s expense. The next step in this tedious process is the furnishing of the place of residence, finding expenses for the elaborate wedding reception if this would happen, and finding expenses for the grand honeymoon the groom will take his bride to. And of course lest I fail to mention that before all this, one must find a suitable bride to begin with!

Add to this modern fusings and twists with Western culture. Some now opt to have an elaborate “marriage proposal” to their brides in mass gatherings that involve friends and sometimes family. Of course contrary to general Western convention (though this is still known to happen frequently), the groom first sort of asks permission from the future father-in-law to ask his daughter’s hand in marriage, usually behind her back, and only proceeds in that step with his blessing.

In the West of course we know things can be much simpler, yet sometimes are also just as complex. Many a time one only needs but to actually date someone, propose when they feel the time is right, prepare their diamond ring for that big moment, then see how things go on from there. There are no tedious Ancient Egyptian furnishing requirements, but then there’s the planning of the grand wedding reception that involves finding a venue, finding a date, finding the dress, finding the caterer, and so on and so forth, et cetera, et cetera.

Egyptian furnishing complications can be interesting to watch from a far. Either the groom or the bride, I’m not sure, have specific duties in furnishing some rooms. The groom has to furnish the bedroom I believe, the bride the dining room, and so on. Inane arrangements agreed upon by popular culture and convention since god knows when, when they started being recorded and documented in the films of the mid-20th century.

Anyways, to things short: more than three quarters of my Egyptian friends are already married or engaged now. They’ve mostly gone or are preparing to go through these insane life mazes and labyrinthine paths. They’re all involved in these crazy games. And those who have finished are probably expecting children already.

As for me, not only have I not started any of this, I haven’t even considered pursuing it. I ask myself, is there something wrong with me? Why do I not care? Should I be worried? And let’s assume that I would even care, which path would be following? Would I be ever successful at finding someone just as detached from these processes as me? And to add to that, where would I live? I don’t even have a settled future country of residence in mind, not to mention finding someone to live there with you. See, if you would follow the ancient Egyptian custom, all this has to be not only figured out, but actually ready by this time and age.

Today reflected that at this mini-reception and at previous receptions most of the songs played were in the Egyptian sha’bi variety, or Egyptian pop music. Nine months ago I attended another wedding for Egyptian-Canadian expats though the grand majority of those were second-generation immigrants, mostly having learned Arabic from their parents. Most of the songs played were of course English, but sometimes occasionally here and there the DJ pumped some Arabic bits.

I reflect on that and ask, what would my reception be like? What kind of songs would be played? Who of my friends would be attending to begin with, if any? Would I even hold a reception, to begin with?

And to add to that, what kind of wedding would I be having? Would I be going for the monotonous but solemn Coptic Orthodox ceremony, or the conventional simple Western “I Do” wedding? Or some twist on that with a Presbyterian sermon? Or would it even be a Catholic ceremony?

Honestly, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t want more than a simple contract at the local city hall or civil registry and get it over with. Or a nice lonely ceremony that involves none other than the minister and the couple to be married, but that’s me in my quest for simplicity, I doubt a partner would be interested in that.

In fact, this is actually one of the many reasons that, contrary to endless suggestions from friends, I hate wedding photography and would never get into it. I hate all that glitter and all that jazz. And it’s really hard for me to think that I can be on the receiving end of those lenses.

Sometimes I just feel that I don’t just belong. That for myself, perhaps, it’s just not meant to be.

It’s not the marriage that irks me, but rather all the frills that come before.

I don’t usually think about these things, but when I do I get lost. That’s why I stop thinking about them, until another such moment arrives. And then I start thinking again…