April ( Unsure,Very sick)

So,

I’m a little scared. Just a little bit, because this asthma won’t calm down. And the things that normally work quickly aren’t working.

I know it’s only been a couple of days, since the hospital bit but it’s also been a couple of months since all of this started.

Which means, I’m paying more attention to what going on and the amount of medication that I am taking.. Too much thinking is not good for me I already know that.

Yet, being home is good and bad because it highlights where i am …

My mother came and got me and brought me back, she’s driving me back when its time for me to go home.. My mother doesn’t do that… she may send for me… or give me money to drive but she doesn’t come and get me.

They won’t let me really leave the house.. I’m grown LOL

But,I’m being monitored. LOL I

have gone through almost a box of the nebulizer solution in three days…

My mind is being to take all this in… ..

Is it bad that I wanted to call you today.. Just to calm me down a bit.

I know that ‘m thinking too much..

So I’m trying to stop, plus im trying to do all kinds of extra stuff to take my mind off of this and make me get better faster…

This is what I mean about the process looking different when you’re in it.

It’s been a couple of days and this is how I feel right now, but maybe a week from now I will be normal and all of these fears will be just memories.

This is just this moment.

And in this moment I am unsure..