The Monotonicity

Malavika S Menon
Aug 22 · 3 min read

I start my day at around 6.30 in the morning. I argue with my parents to let me sleep till 7. I repeat the morning chorus. “My bus leaves only by 8.40”. I try to cuddle up in my blanket to sleep for those extra 30 minutes, my desperate attempt to escape from the reality of another tiring day waiting in front of me.

I get ready, all the while scrolling through Instagram and envying all those who seem to get enough time to sit at cafés every day. I reach the bus stop. Either I continue scrolling through my feed or make conversations with someone about how badly I want a holiday.

In the bus, the passing winds make my eyes close up, and I end up dozing off for two minutes till I jerk awake suddenly. I suddenly want to sleep all day long and go back to my bed. I continue the rest of the journey, trying hard to stay awake.

I reach my classroom. Find a place which would be targeted least by teachers. The first hour starts. I listen and take notes. Without realising, I drift off into my own ideal world where I could have skipped classes without any repercussions. When I come back to the portion being taught in class, I am lost. An obvious event, considering the circumstances. I give up fully and start day dreaming again. Of course, I get bored now and then and check the time, in the hopes that the hour will get over soon.

I continue being in my hazy state throughout the day. During each hour, I make mental notes to go home and read up about the topic and come prepared the next time. (None of it works!) I fumble with answers that seem to come almost instantaneously to everyone. I ask around and try to understand which leaves me in a more confused state. I end up feeling even worse. I consider dropping out, then come back to my senses and realise I will probably feel the same way with any course.

Labs are another nightmare altogether. I sit in front of Gedit and Terminal for around 3 hours trying to solve a single problem. Guess who manages to screw that up as well? I come to the conclusion that if I can’t solve a problem after devoting three hours to it, I would never be able to in future either. This is literally the breaking point. I contemplate giving up on my studies altogether.

Feeling exhausted (mentally and physically), I leave from the lab. I wait for half an hour for the bus to come. I sit for around an hour in the bus as it tries to navigate through Vytill traffic at peak hours. I finally reach home by around 6.15 pm. I lie in bed and check my phone. Before, I know it an hour has passed by! If only hours passed so quickly in class. I finish off the work that’s required for the next day and have my dinner. When I hit bed, I immediately doze off. So much for promising myself to learn today. I would have managed to convince myself, tomorrow is THE day before I fell asleep.

Yes. That’s my daily routine. Should I be worried? That’s all I seem to be. However the worry doesn’t seem to lead to anything productive. My future ahead looks bright, doesn’t it?

An occasional writer mostly lost in thought.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade