I’ve been too frustrated and hurt lately to really write. If I sat down and really poured it out on the page…I’m just not ready. There’s too much.
But I have to process somehow, so I sketch and I draw. It helps.
These are some pictures from my journal. I don’t claim to be any great artist, I just try and sketch stuff that I feel and see. I plan on doing my whole next book of poetry in this style.
I just don’t get it.
I 100% do not understand why cops keep killing Black men and women. And children, little girls and boys, it doesn’t matter. Black life is cheap.
Terence Crutcher was an unarmed Black man, someone who was clearly in distress. It doesn’t matter if he was on drugs. The police are supposed to help people, especially those of us who are in distress. One cop tasered him, the other cop shot him. Aren’t they supposed to coordinate these things? At least mention “Tasering?” I didn’t hear her shout “Gun!” before she shot him.
Terence was someones’ father, a twin, a son and uncle. Now he is just dead and another Black family has to make sense of why their man was shot dead like a rabid animal in the street. No part of it is right and I can’t make sense out of the cognitive dissonance that seems to rule the mentality of white amerikkka. To me, it seems unreasonable that any thinking person would think this is normal, for so many of us to die at the hands of the police in such a brutal manner. It’s like folks think we deserve this.
I’ve been writing about this shit for a long time, and honestly it hurts. It hurts to think about and I can’t digest it any longer. So, here are excerpts from two of the pieces in my book “144 Poems and Essays for God, Love, Truth, Justice, Peace and Hip Hop”
I DO NOT LOVE AMERICA
I cannot rationalize the Westward expansion or the growth of industrial capitalism, nor can I comprehend the human feelings behind rationalizing the slave trade. No amount of strangeness or animosity could make me think what happened to us was in any way okay. I think that if I were white and linked in any way to the oppression of indigenous or African people, I would not be able to live a quiet life.
Some people say “Well it is a whole lot better here than any other place.” I don’t bother to argue, but I do wonder how many of the people that say that have ever lived any other place. And what makes it better? Is it the cable television? Is it the shopping? Is it the “freedoms”? Or is it just the fact that if I can manage to secure a place in the Middle Class, that I can get enough stuff to insulate me from the things that make me feel uncomfortable? I can get a job that will take me from in front of the kids who grew up in tabloid television homes. I can move into a neighborhood where there are not as many homeless people. I can eat whatever exotic food any time I want. I can consume a whole lot more than I can in other places. I can send my kids to a school where I can be reasonably certain that he is going to get a basically sound education. Maybe.
What would make me love America is if I felt like America loved me. If America really valued me and people like me. If I felt like America wasn’t super eager to throw my sons’ precious life in front of some bullets, if America showed me in some real substantive way that I was a valuable citizen. That what I said mattered, that the issues of my community were American issues, and then I would maybe begin to love America.
America has never loved me, she has always, always, always treated me and others like me, as if we didn’t matter, like what we have to say is not that not that important. I am forever “special interest” America has loved my labor, my music, my food, my body, my blood, but she has never loved me. She has never loved me enough to say that she was sorry for hurting me, for abusing my children, for treating us like we were beneath the regard of the rest of her “regular” citizens.
No, America has never loved me, never respected me, never treated me well at all. She has always turned a deaf ear to my pleas and when I did love her, she didn’t love me back.
A RETROSPECTIVE ON THE EVENTS OF THE PAST FEW WEEKS
(Right After Katrina Washed Niggas Away)
Fire Burn, Fire Burn
The Burning Bush
The Bush is on Fire
The whole House is on Fire
And the people in New Orleans need water
But the government let the motherfucker burn anyway
The wizards’ curtain is falling down.
Finally, all the rest of the clowns are falling out of the trickmobile.
Surely, someone will talk.
Someone has to leak the story.
Someone has to leak the government.
Someone leaked Enron,
someone leaked Chevron,
Someone leaked Vietnam
(and died a lot).
The government has a way of making outspoken people gone, quiet, or at best irrelevant and compromised.
America only promises one thing-you can die here. America has a lot of shit that will kill your ass, will attempt to hijack and kidnap you. Americas’ greatest crime and best talent is that if you buy the lie (American Dream)
America will separate you from yourself. You will be far from your origin-If you buy the lie. If you do not, then you will not be happy here in America.
The American Dream is just that-a fantasy held to be true because of widespread mass delusion that this is a fair and just society. So far, very few people have lived the American Dream, but I know a lot who share the American Nightmare Experience.
I am poor and suffering in America. My children are ill, my elders are dying, and my people, people who look and live just like I do, are dying on international television. My children are killing one another in the streets. Everywhere I look, there is pain and no one cares. Are we not also Americans? Do we not deserve the love and compassion of our fellow Americans? Poor people got completely washed out and no one seems to care. Once again, America shows her ass to her most vulnerable and least listened to, least cared about citizens.
“Black America suffers today on NPR” we’re taking your calls. “Katrina kicks poor niggas in the ass today on KPFA” “Niggas die as America looks on; get it first here on CNN” That’s the news
White America love to see a nigga suffer.
They are calling them “refugees”
“I didn’t know? We could not have known!”
No one knew? All lies. They knew.
I knew, they all knew.
ABC GE NBC KBHQ ABCDEF-
Stuck on F for
“we fucked up, fuck you. Fuck yeah”
Devil ass Devil
Of course the niggas is still acting up. How can you remove every- thing I have, everything, remove all I have because I am in the way of the wave of the destruction-
I am worthless?
people are the sons and daughters of the slaves
They are my costars in this, the Amerikan nightmare. For us, this sweet life is incredibly sour.
So yes, fire burn, flood run wild
New Orleans is Flooded and Burning
Baghdad was burning and looted
LA was looted and burned
Detroit looted and burned
Watts burned and looted
New York bombed and burned some
It all fell down
Were they really so surprised? If you strip away everything, every thing is washed away, and there is no hope, what am I supposed to do? 500 cops in New Orleans left the job. 2 killed themselves. Can you see that even when the lawmakers lose hope, what is the ordinary citizen to think?
Niggas in Need(NiN) + DISASTER-(the law)*(-hope)=
mass motherfucking chaos (squared)/FAITH
A sister on the television called it genocide and at first I disagreed but now I change my mind. This shit is so diabolical.