What a “DEAR ZINDAGI”: A Psychological Perspective
Remember when “Dear Zindagi” came out in 2016? The internet was flooded with the movie’s psychological representation and interpretation. I wonder if it’s too late for me to write about the bubbles that erupted in my belly upon watching it. I wasn’t a psychology student at the time, but over the last seven years, it has stayed with me, and I have frequently revisited it. The film poses a fine example of how cinema depicts certain issues and how they appear on screen in comparison to the reality of these issues. As a popular saying goes, “If you think what you want to say has already been said, yes, it has. But not by you.” Here’s my take on Kaira, Jahangir, and the strings attached to love, life, friendships, drama, and complexities that lie within.
Life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows; sometimes, it’s messy, complicated, and downright hard. That’s exactly what Dear Zindagi showed me through Kaira’s story. She’s just like any of us, trying to figure things out while dealing with family drama and relationship rollercoasters. As a psychology student, watching this movie offered me more than just entertainment — it provided a unique lens through which to analyse human behaviour and therapeutic dynamics. Through the protagonist Kaira’s journey, I found myself dissecting the intricacies of her psyche and the therapeutic relationship she shared with Jahangir Khan.
When Kaira’s parents left her with her grandparents to pursue their dreams, it broke her heart. She felt neglected and unloved, which affected her relationships later. I resonate with that feeling too well — of longing for love and understanding, only to feel like you’re constantly falling short. Kaira’s childhood experiences of abandonment and neglect undoubtedly shaped her adult relationships and emotional resilience. From a psychological perspective, her attachment style and coping mechanisms were fascinating to observe. Her fear of vulnerability and reluctance to trust mirrored classic patterns seen in individuals with insecure attachment styles, highlighting the profound impact of early life experiences on later development. Her love life wasn’t any easier. Trust issues and fear of commitment kept haunting her, making it hard for her to find real happiness. Sound familiar? It’s like when you want to open up to someone but can’t shake off the fear of getting hurt again.
But amidst all the chaos, Kaira found solace in therapy. Enter Jahangir Khan, the therapist with a heart of gold. His approach to therapy was like a breath of fresh air — listening, validating, and gently nudging Kaira towards self-discovery. Jahangir Khan became her guiding light, helping her untangle the mess of emotions and find her way. The portrayal of therapy in the film offered both commendable and concerning aspects. Jahangir’s empathetic listening and validation of Kaira’s emotions aligned with evidence-based therapeutic techniques, fostering a safe space for her to explore her inner world. However, his occasional breaches of professional boundaries, such as self-disclosure and premature termination of sessions, raised ethical red flags from a psychological standpoint. Still, there were moments of clarity and wisdom in their talks. Like when Jahangir said, “Don’t let the past ruin a beautiful future.” It hit home because it’s true — our past shouldn’t define our present or dictate our future.
Kaira’s romantic journey in the film depicts a highly personal struggle with vulnerability, commitment, and judgmental anxiety. Her relationship with Sid is like her reluctance to commit to love, even if she enjoys his company because she fears being hurt once more. She feels true compassion for Raghu, but she is unable to fully embrace their connection because of her unsolved difficulties. Kaira is reluctant to try new relationships because of social pressure and the difficult process of finding a life partner. “Hum itni kursiyan dekhte hai ek khareedne se pehle phir apna life partner choose karne se pehle options dekhne mein kya problem?” is a quote that strikes a deep chord with me. It begs the question of why we can make thoughtful decisions about everyday life yet find it difficult to explore our romantic options without worrying about being judged. We are prompted to consider our hesitancies in love because of Kaira’s experience. Do we hold back because of expectations from society or wounds from the past? And how may accepting vulnerability help us connect on a deeper level? It serves as a reminder that love is more than merely matching perfectly; it’s also about daring to follow our hearts even when doing so entails risk.
What stood out to me was Kaira’s resistance to change. It’s a common theme in psychology — how we cling to our familiar patterns, even when they’re hurting us. Watching Kaira slowly peel back the layers of her emotions was like witnessing a psychological breakthrough in real-time. It showed me that change is messy, uncomfortable, but oh-so-necessary for growth. As a psychology student, I recognized the importance of the therapeutic process in facilitating this transformation. Through introspection and guided exploration, Kaira gradually unearthed the roots of her emotional struggles, paving the way for personal growth and healing. As the credits rolled, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of connection with Kaira’s journey. Her struggles mirrored mine, reminding me that it’s okay to stumble along the way. What matters is finding the strength to keep going, to keep searching for that elusive thing called happiness.
The movie also provided insightful perspectives on the relationship between cultural norms and mental health. At first, Kaira’s reluctance to seek therapy is indicative of the widespread stigmas associated with mental health in many communities, especially in South Asian cultures talking about mental health is frequently frowned upon. The pressure from society to present a front of strength and poise, particularly for women, is reflected in Kaira’s unwillingness to talk about her battles with anxiety and inner disruption; a topic that deeply resonates with me. Many cultures see going to therapy or admitting that you have mental health issues as a sign of weakness or failure, which can discourage people from getting the support they require. It is clear from Kaira’s early mistrust of therapy and her anxiety over being called “mad” that there are strong societal stigmas associated with mental illness.
Additionally, Kaira’s cultural background must be respected and acknowledged by her therapist, Dr. Jehangir Khan Kaira feels comfortable exploring her feelings and facing her fears because of his kind and non-judgmental approach, which prevents her from feeling misinterpreted or alienated. This emphasises how crucial it is for mental health providers to be culturally competent, and able to effectively bridge the gap between Western treatment approaches and their clients’ unique cultural quirks.
Dear Zindagi may just be a movie, but its message is real and relatable. Life may throw us curveballs, but if we keep our hearts open and our spirits strong, we’ll find our way through. Even if at one point we feel, it’s the end of all, it’s the beginning of something, bigger and better.
Here are some quotes from the movie that resonate with me on a deeper level. Whether you’re planning to watch the movie for the first time or revisit it, I hope my insights will provide you with a fresh perspective:
“Zindagi ek jigsaw puzzle ki tarah hai; mere jaise log us puzzle ke khoye hue tukde, sirf dhoondne aur jodne mein madad kar sakte hai, par only you can complete the puzzle!”
“We are all our teachers in the school of life.”
“Keep the child in you alive”
“Losing friends as you grow up is a sign of growing up”
“Safe feel karne ke liye pehle saare dar mitana zaroori hai! “
“Bachchpan main jab rona aata hai, toh bade bolte hai aasun pocho. Jab gussa aata hai, toh bade kehte hai smile taaki ghar ki shanti bani rahe. Nafrat karna chahe, toh ijazat nahi di. Aur jab pyaar karna chahe, toh pata chala ye saala emotional system hi gadbada gaya, kaam nahi kar raha, cannot function. Rona, gussa, nafrat kuch bhi khul ke express nahi karne diya ab pyaar kaise express kare?”
