“I believe…Help my unbelief”

Mallory Thomas
Aug 28, 2017 · 3 min read

photo by: Devyn Owen

It is a hard thing to believe in God.

And when one does believe in Him it is hard for them to put their faith into Him.

I have a relationship with God, that man is my bestfriend, my dad, and my soulmate all put in one — yeah, that sounds a little weird, BUT IT IS TRUE! I get mad at Him, I don’t fully trust Him at times, etc. It is hard for me to give Him my all when my world is constantly “falling to pieces.” People always questions if He is real or not, and I understand you more than you think I would.

When I was a freshman in high school I went through a phase where I did not think God was real. I was depressed, and mad, and hurt, and the last thing I wanted was to follow God and His “ridiculous rules” when I got nothing in return.

BACKSTORY: When I was in the fourth grade I accepted God into my heart because I did not want to go to hell. I knew that if I was saved then I would not go to hell and I would be apart of heaven and be happy. I thought having a relationship with God was all about rules and regulations — when that is not the case AT ALL! So I went through all of middle school pinning judgement on girls and guys and all who I thought were “not fit” for the kingdom of God. LOL I WAS SO STUPID! Then in high school I realized that I did not have a relationship with God so I just dropped Him completely. I did not understand how someone could love me when my own friends did not want to be with me. I didn’t understand how someone could be proud of me no matter what when my own family was not proud of me. I didn’t understand how someone could love me unconditionally, through all my sadness and despair, when my own boyfriend couldn’t. So, I dropped Him. I dropped God from my life because I didn’t think I was enough and I didn’t think anything He had to offer was real.

If you’re in that boat right now, just know that I understand. You know, starting a relationship with God requires work, just like any relationship, but it is enough. When I was at my lowest point in my life God saved me and just comforted me. I have never felt more loved in that moment.

You don’t have to understand a thing God does, but just know that He loves you more than your boyfriend, girlfriend, bestfriend, even your parents could ever love you. It’s hard to know when He is there, even in the dark times. It is hard to believe in Him, even in the hard times. But if by God’s grace He rescued me from my troubles, that is enough for me. I don’t have to like what He decides or know why He does it… I don’t even have to accept it. I just have to put faith in Him (like I would do with any boy or friend in my life) that He has got everything handled.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven.”

Romans 8:37 “No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.”

Mark 9:24… A father runs to Jesus to help his sick son…‘“Immediately the boy’s father cried out and said “I do believe; help my unbelief.”’

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Mallory Thomas

i made this to read @emilycatherinethomas blog

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