Waiting For Godot
What It’s Like To Be Optimistic And Depressed At The Same Time
Being a very happy, optimistic person with depression is a strange combination. When there is talk of someone struggling with depression, most people assume they’re miserable. They can’t laugh, they can’t smile, they can’t enjoy themselves, they don’t feel happiness.
I have been waiting for Godot for a very long time, well with Godot I mean a person or a thing which will bring answer for my existence. I know I sound stupid, but I don’t had any other option. I feel like a limbo hanging between death and life like “The Hollow Man” in T.S.Eliot’s poem.
Two of the hardest test in life- the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage to accept that you’ve waited for nothing.
I am a naturally sad person. I can’t help it — it’s just who I am. I am not an easy going person, I always need someone to push me, to inspire me to bring out the best out of me. I have a freakishly broad range of emotions and they can be hard to live with at times. But even though I’m a naturally sad person deep down, it doesn’t mean I can’t feel acute happiness and intense optimism.
I try with each and everything, call it in a relationship, work place or with my parents. I have given my best but have got nothing. And it’s bitterly frustrating at times because there are times when I want to initiate a good habit in my routine but I’m not able to give it time because of no reason at all, I’m not able to take it up whole heartedly. And at my age, twenty one, something like this is a huge hindrance to the growth of myself in person and perspective
Suffering from the act of Nothingness and then patiently waiting for its cure, is definitely not OK. I must realize that if I will wait for perfect condition to seize an opportunity, I will be waiting till the day I die!
This ‘apparent’ pain that haunts me, brimming my eyes every time I think about it and renders me a living Dead person. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is being capable of saving me from drowning and so finally I decided to pen it down ; at least this Pain should be of some use to me!
I’m happy, I’m positive, I’m optimistic, and I’m depressed. But I live with it. The world is both a beautiful yet hauntingly dark place. And we have no choice but to accept that, right?