Secrets of a Successful Hotel Play Party

The best practices for a get-down meet-up

Kenna Cook
Aug 9, 2017 · 4 min read

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit is the place for exploring sexual freedom in workshops, speaker sessions, and hotel rooms. Twitter was abuzz with talks of spanking demos, sex toy pop-up shops and even a "Fistmas" all happening on the sex geek-saturated floors of the Sheraton Hotel in DC. Thanks to the magic of this meet-up, I attended my first ever hotel play party.

Before you start clutching your pearls thinking I’m going to talk about how buckwild 15 people in one hotel room got, I’m not here to talk about the mechanics of the sex that was or wasn’t had that night. Good sex is about way more than ups and downs, ins and outs. I want to tell you the secrets to a safe, successful, sexy play party — and how you can take these tips and use them in your everyday sexual encounters.

Some Like It Mild - Some Like It Wild

We all sat in a large circle around the room, facing each other. Couples draped themselves across beds and I plopped myself down, criss-cross applesauce, on the floor. Our hotel room host laid down a few simple ground rules:

  • Keep the noise level low.
  • Always get consent.
  • Watersports only happen in the bathroom.

Then, it was time for introductions. We went around the circle, said our names and our MILDEST and WILDEST desires for the night.

This concept is genius!! Some folks mildest desires were just hanging out and chatting or cuddling and a massage. Other folks wildests were watching the other couples engage in sex or getting to use a new sex toy they had just purchased. One person really just wanted to be bitten more than anything else that night.

This kind of honesty was a great way for each person in the group to feel truly heard by all others, and for people to see who their interests might match up with. It was also a good opportunity to check in and say that you weren’t sure what you wanted to do because this was your first time at this kind of event.

When there is no pressure and no assumptions about what people want to engage in, you can have a clearer, more consensual sexual experience.

Safer Sex is Better Sex

Next came the safer sex talk.

Oh no, not the dreaded disclosure of your testing and STI status! Boo! Hiss! It’s the scariest, most stigmatized, least sexy subject to discuss before you’re trying to get all sexy..........all of that was dripping with sarcasm, if you couldn’t tell.

If you can't talk about your sexual health, you shouldn't be having sex. Period.

Each person offered up the same information: when's last time you were tested, what were you tested for, what were the results, what kinds of safe sex methods do you use, and who are you currently sexually active with.

The safe sex circle was a great way to add structure to a sometimes stressful topic, and level the playing field by helping to ease anxiety and create expectations about what kinds of information you are expected to both talk about and hear about.

All Things Come...to an End

Before we ended our circle time and were let loose to explore our exhibitionism, we had a final talk about time management. The host was allowing us this great space to play, but they wanted to also make sure that they would get their space back at the end of the night.

We all decided that 90 minutes was a great amount of time to end the party at. At 90 minutes, we would start to wrap things up (and clean things up) so that we all could have time to check in with each other before going our separate ways.

Putting a time limit on sex doesn’t sound too sexy, but it helps everyone involved manage their expectations.

If you aren’t feeling like playing by the one hour mark, it might not be a good idea to start something hot and heavy with someone new. Likewise, if you’re feeling overwhelmed, you know when everyone will be done so you can excuse yourself and when to check back in with the group later.


The biggest takeaway from this play party for me was how important pre-play communication is. Structuring the conversations with mildest/wildest desires, safer sex skills and time expectations made it easy to transition from discussion time to play time.

Want to know more about the play party experience? Interested in how to talk to your partner about playing in a group? Email Kenna for sex & relationship coaching at kennac.se@gmail.com

Kenna Cook

Written by

Sex-Positive Parent & Sex Educator | Pan, Poly & Proud | Honey Nut Queerio🌈 #TransLove #BlackLivesMatter

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