Anxiety and loneliness

I’m an impatient person with a vivid imagination. My mind is always racing from one creative, self-analytical, logistical moment to the next. So when I sit, and I don’t have somewhere or something to run off to, it all comes flooding in. The guy that I’m attracted to, but can’t ever tell. The career that I want and not sure how to achieve. How will I balance my budget knowing my job is about to end. The journey of self-love.

The mornings are the hardest. I lay in bed, and my mind fires up. As my mind races, I look to my left and roll over to my right, in a bed so empty I feel it echoing. I really do not need a man to complete my life, my life is actually quite full. But I long for the companionship. I have so much love and support that I’m dying to give my partner, that it’s actually painful having to hold it in. I feel like a bird who’s wings have been tied to it’s side. I lay in bed, run my hands along my body and my eyes well up. I crave that touch from someone that desires me, because of who I am. Anxiety starts to build, feeling that as I embark on my late 30's, maybe this kind of companionship is something I will never know.

As the morning pushes forward, I refocus. I remind myself of the love and support that I don’t hold captive to those around me. And that has value. And I remind myself that hope is only lost, if I choose to put it down. And that gives me value. So I’ll continue to love hard, and grip onto hope, even when it’s super slippery.