How to Take Great Selfies When You Are Sick, in 20 Easy Steps

I’ve been out for the count with pneumonia. Seven days in, I posted a selfie with my cat. One of my employees remarked I looked good, despite being sick. So I downloaded to her Mana’s guide to good selfies (and giving yourself a little pick-me-up in the process) when you’re sick. Here it is, full version:

1. Shower — then lay down for half hour and catch your breath.

2. Dry hair. Use a volumizing foam if you have straight hair. Try IGK Trust Fund Thickening foam (dare to dream a little). For curly hair, DRYBAR Velvet Hammer. Then lay down for half hour.

3. Get dressed in a nice dress. It’s just so you feel better. The dress won’t show in the picture. Go crazy! Put on the sexiest dress. Then lay down for half hour.

4. Put on makeup. I highly recommend Urban Decay. It’s magical. Use extra mascara and blush. Urban Decay Subversion eyelash primer and Perversion mascara. The names themselves will make you feel badass.

5. Curl up with the cats. Pets or kids make everyone look better.

6. Take 101 photos, pets included. Use this mathematical formula to the perfect selfie.

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7. Use Face Tune 2 (in the app store) to remove blemishes and dark circles.

8. Use Instagram filters for extra pop. Try Clarendon.

9. Go to sleep in your dress and makeup.

10. Next day, wake up, use a lint roller to remove cat hair from the dress. Or not. No one will know.

11. Maybe brush your teeth. If you don’t, don’t worry, Face Tune has a teeth whitening feature.

12. Use makeup remover to only remove the makeup bleed under the eyes. Don’t touch the rest. It will look more natural than day 1.

13. Do NOT shower or wash your face, or you’ll have to start over again. By day 2 we should already have the foundation set so you don’t have to work as hard.

14. Apply foundation and blush. Try Nars Orgasm. Again, if only for the name.

15. Apply dry shampoo. DRYBAR Detox Dry Shampoo. Or any other as long as it has a cool name. Brush it out.

16. Curl up on the couch with the cats.

17. Take 101 selfies. Steps 6–8 again.

18. Compare Day 1 selfies with Day 2 selfies. Trust me, day 2 may actually look better.

19. Text 10 selfies to all your girlfriends and take a poll. Use the excuse that you’re trying to make yourself feel better. You’ll apologize later.

20. Post the winning selfie.

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You will NEVER have the luxury of doing this properly until you’re sick again. So take full advantage of it.

p.s. If you are sick and reading this, I feel for you. This is all for the laughs.

I did sleep in a dress for two nights, and didn’t shower for three days (sometimes it’s good to be single). I didn’t try half of the products I mentioned, but the names were just too good!

You do not have to do any of this. But if you do, let me know how it turns out. Feel better! xo

Written by

President at @LightspanD Credo: Make no little plans. Be bold, brave &kind. #SCUBA rescue diver. Waging war on bad #digitalmarketing. #lovedat

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