What I agree with you 100% on is that you should not “whittle myself away” in order to make men feel more comfortable with you as a dating prospect. That would be selling yourself short and possibly keep you from finding the right man.
My guess is that you are fairly high on the picky list, which is perfectly OK. I’m also guessing that you won’t seriously consider dating anyone under 5'10"’ or so (again — perfectly understandable since you are tall). I also get the sense that you’re most likely to find fit, active, white-collar men in the 35–45 range the most date-able. Not to say you wouldn’t consider dating a mechanic with 6-pack abs, but you get the idea.
Finding a guy that checks off these boxes isn’t all that hard. However, finding a single or divorced man who is looking for a long-term relationship? That’s the part that’s tricky in today’s romance market. You’re clearly a catch (for lack of a better term), and since you don’t strike me as a quitter I’ll bet you will find what you’re looking for in less than a year. Good luck.