Lent & Brown’s Hard Reset

For the second year in a row I am participating in lent, but this year I am stepping it up in hopes in attaining a never before reached level of enlightenment and self discovery. For those that want the quick one, two and done: For the past week I have quit smoking, drinking, and other extracurriculars. Starting at midnight tonight I will expand lent to include no Facebook/social media, fast food, sex, masturbation, acts of selfishness.

I planned on starting lent this past Wednesday, March 3rd, but got sick on Monday March the first so I haven’t smoked, drank or partied since February the 28th. I must say that the first 3 days of getting miserably sick plus detox were quite dramatic, but finally I back healthy, clean headed, smoke free and highly motivated. This past holiday season I digressed back into my old habits due to my seasonal depression and the loss of yet more dear friends gone way too soon. I used their demise as my crutch, and hid my strength that others depended on behind a wall of addiction & lies.

First, let’s look at what lent is: The Lent fast is a Christian tradition, but many non-believers also take part. On Ash Wednesday, people over the globe give up certain foods or habits to improve their health or demonstrate self-restraint. The Lent period reflects when Jesus fasted and suffered in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights, before he started his ministry. According to the Bible, he was tempted by Satan during this time, but each time he managed to refuse his temptations. People follow Jesus’ example and give up vices in a bid to grow closer to God as Easter approaches.

Last year when I did lent it elevated me to a higher level, and now I am on a quest towards true self discovery as I have never known before. When I fall into the trappings of addiction, in it’s many various forms, true self discovery can never be obtained. Whether it be through substances, emotional crutches or quick releases such as Facebook rants, bing eating, or even masturbation; it is time for me to conduct the ultimate test of one’s self. I am blessed to be under the tutelage of an amazing DR/Spiritualist at Philander and these past two semesters of school and opening my mind to being a true altruist, humanitarian and find true introspection I will follow these simple rules until the Holy Thursday (April 13th, 2017).

#1: No alcohol, smoking, or recreation substances of any kind. I will put the first * right here. When I go completely clean I suffer from major insomnia, I have invested in a small batch of indica, and will allow myself one bowl at night time.

#2: No fast food/candy/simple sugars. I will only eat clean foods, trying my best to eliminate all additional fats, salts, and sugars.

#3: No social media. This is the biggest and honestly the toughest of all the rules, as this is the first time in my adult life of going without social media. My rules are simple. No Facebook/Instagram. I will only go onto social media to self promote the events at which I perform, or to post about upcoming events at venues that contribute to my livelihood. I will not scroll, troll, or participate in social media any further than self promotion, or promotion for places of my employment. I will keep Facebook Messenger active so if anyone wants to contact me via a one on one basis we can still have dialogue, and I can also be easily attainable in the case of any type of emergency or urgent message you need to get my way.

#4: I have been single now for 6 months. My last two relationships did quite a number on me, and I have been working through these issues without using women as crutch besides a few fledgling attempts. My past two relationships ended with getting my heart ripped out, then I did the same to another. Both amazing women, both I have no contact with, and therefore I’ve really been analyzing what I want in life & love. With that being said, both facebook and masturbation work in the same context believe it or not. They give you short bursts of dopamine when you release a feeling online for all to see, or give yourself a release via sexual pleasure. Catholics believe that masturbation is a sin, I also think about reading on Morrissey and abstinence. I want to eliminate all short term forms of release so I can reach deeper levels of spirituality.

#5: I will be exercising 5 days a week. Learning meditation. Body alignment/yoga. I also plan to do at least 2 cleanses.

For far too often I have used the excuse that I thought I would already be dead by now, I always live for the moment because tomorrow is never promised as my mantra for my party based lifestyle. Well, I’ve done that well into my forties, and although I have lost many friends I feel more deserving of this realm than me, it’s time for me to find true consciousness and delve into my soul. I am blessed to have 3 grandparents still alive into their 90’s I should tend and bond with while they still grace this earth, and I also have a father who is facing his own mortality as sickness overcomes him from the same trappings I am prone too. I am in college to make change, for social justice, for humanity, but first one must find self before becoming a teacher onto others. I need to work on my writing, my demons, my inner light, my health, and myself. Knowing what being truly alone, self dependent, self sufficient and at peace means as I transition in trying to be a light for others.

I am going to miss you all. I love seeing your pictures, sharing stories, and so on. Obviously we have become a more divided world, and I have lost a lot of friends/unfollow button, or what have you due to the state of politics and the world. All my ramblings and opinions won’t make near the difference as me reseting myself can hopefully accomplish. Instead of social media, drugs, and distractions I will read, meditate, focus, center, and work on my general state of health.

Wish me luck. I will officially log off of social media at midnight 3/7/16 so if you wanna get at me, do it now. As mentioned, I will keep messenger active, and I will post about my upcoming DJ gigs, and show announcements at Rev, Stickyz, or whatever other venues are contributing to my livelihood. If it’s your birthday, and I miss giving you love, or other awesome life happenings, know I love you! Feel free to hit me in the DM. I am going to go do me for a little while! Love, BB

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