Lost in Motherhood
I am not sure how I lost my self. When asked how I would describe myself, who I am, I for years have answered immediately that “I am a mother.” In fact, I am a strong and confident mother. Yet, even with this sure self identity, I have come to realize that I am lost.
I live each moment simultaneously invested in the present and the future. I give my mind, my heart, and my soul to nurturing development each day. I manage tasks around home keeping, transportation, nutrition, socialization, and health. I multi-task through each day fairly gracefully. I am a confident mother. I am very proud of this. After all, a mother is all that I ever passionately desired to be. But, realizing my dream with such competence has led me to be alone. Alone navigating the depths of motherhood I am so overwhelmed that I can no longer find my self. I am lost.
Don’t get me wrong, there is intrinsic reward in meeting the challenges of each day. My spirit is certainly stoked by the love my children give to me. Juggling multiple priorities and examining the details of each action and its consequences consumes me. Reward, joy, purpose. I have so much. Yet, I despair that I cannot find my self. I am lost in motherhood.