I’m listening

As I mentally prepare for my children to fly the coop, I find myself taking on extra projects now: I want to open a storefront space instead of working in my little office in an office building, I want to get involved in politics, I want to write a book or three. I find myself running in so many directions that I ended up in bed for a week as my body decided to demand the break that I wasn’t giving it. I wrote a few days ago about finding the gifts in the illness. I thought that was it, I appreciated the experience and now it was time to get better and get back to living my busy life. Not so fast. During a coughing fit this morning, after having to cancel my clients for yet another day, it hit me. My body’s not fooling around this time, I need to really change something.

Shit.

I hate and love the big stuff. I hate it during and I love it later. Today is still during.

A friend of mine helped me to see that maybe I need to allow the next two years to happen. I don’t need to fill the space now that may be empty in two years. It’s not empty yet! She suggested that I might need to have the space there for me to feel the feelings that inevitably will surface. She suggested that if I feel the feelings as they arrive that maybe they could move through me and I will then be open to the opportunities that present themselves.

Thank you, my friend. I’m listening.