Traffic Gods must be crazy!

‘O Traffic Gods, its Monday morning! Please let there be no bus break-downs, protests, new potholes, VVIP movements this morning’, a prayer that can be heard all over the city. When it comes to praying to Traffic Gods, there are no different faiths, religions or beliefs — truly unifying! All the scriptures and holy books for these Traffic Gods are combined in one —Google maps. It shows the way to the worshipers and condemns the ones who do not follow to a difficult journey ahead — all in true sense of words.

And like everywhere else in the country, it’s not one God. There are many, and each with unique divine powers.

Most powerful of them all are the ‘Auto’ Gods. These three wheeled symbols of agility carry some truly magical powers. Their ‘auto’dynamic structure enhances their speed and maneuverability — similar to ‘aerodynamic’ but with a difference. They are shaped in such a way that if there is a gap and if the front wheel goes thru, rest of the body follows. The devotees — in this case passengers — can completely trust their Moses-like God to part the sea of traffic and take them through to their destination. They have many different ways to communicate with devotees and other Gods on the road. An Auto God can show a turn signal in any form — a slightly extended hand, a protruding foot or just a tilt of head. It is up to the fellows and followers to catch the hidden meaning.

This God is hard to please and carry grudges if antagonized. So beware if you are sharing the road with them!

Then there are the motorized two-wheeled deities. These beings are not just agile, they are amphibians. They are equally comfortable while on footpaths as they are on the roads. Even the road dividers cannot stop them from crossing over. At traffic signals they are like sand poured in a bowl with pebbles. They can fill up every gap available. Indians should be thankful to them because if not them, the traffic pile up at each signal would have extended to all previous junctions!

Even the most humble of them all — the bicycle — has some unique powers. While in traffic, they are a vehicle. But when a signal turns red, they metamorphose into a pedestrian and hence the signals is not applicable to them anymore. It is said that the traffic moves at the pace of slowest vehicle on the road — bicycles. But it could still be extremely hard, if not impossible, to overtake them. You can overtake them and in just a few meters ahead, you will find them in front of you again!

And what can one say about the omnipresent Gods with ‘yellow boards’? May not be as capable as Auto Gods, but these Taxi Gods are also blessed with many celestial powers. Most of the true nature of their capabilities come out during their nocturnal prowls.

‘Bus Gods’ — the biggest of them all. Carrying a huge gathering of devotees! They do not like to be disturbed or intervened when on a roll.

And then there are the Traffic Police Gods. They rule over the rest of them. They are generally not satisfied with just prayers and expect generous offerings. The size of offerings depends on the nature of your prayers.

But all these Gods and their supernatural powers can be rendered useless in the wake of The Creator — The Mahanagar Palika — City’s Municipal Corporation! The Creator can change things overnight — literally!

And where are the daemons — you might ask. The usual suspects might be the pothole riddled narrow roads or the broken — or ever-ambiguous when working — signals. But no, the real daemons on the roads are —single rider cars! These daemons prefer to act on their own and do not prefer to pool together with others. They are the ones complaining constantly and blaming everyone else for all that is wrong on the roads.

So next time when you about to head out, pray to the Creator, trust your own Traffic Gods and embark on the Divine Journey!

Alternately, if you are an atheist, just walk!