It’s just lack of words, my love!

I earn my bread and butter as a writer and yet whenever I open my mouth to express myself, all that comes out is not at all what I mean.

He asks me, “you only said that, didn’t you?”, and I can’t deny, I did say those words but they sounded differently in my head before they spilled out of my mouth,

I try again and fail yet again,

Fruitless attempts to show the hurt your silence makes,

The hollows of my heart that were once filled by your love,

The lack of conversation is making the gap larger each day,

I am pretending to you that all is well, but it isn’t fine my love,

My love for you is hurting, it’s aching for your love,

You have drawn firm lines and you keep retracing them to ensure I know what you want,

But with every trace and every line, you are pushing me away from you,

I am not sure how long I’ll be able to handle before I snap,

You talk numbers, you talk expenses, you chart out plans and you define me in them,

I am tired my love,

I am tired of trying,

By fitting myself into the jigsaw of your life, I have lost myself,

And I miss me, the real me, the fun me, the smart me that you fell in love with,

Hope you can excuse me, hope one day you will have it in your heart to forgive me,

But I think it’s time…

I am letting down all pretence,

I don’t think I can try anymore,

My love for you is lost, it has changed,

I don’t feel it any more, I don’t think there is any left any more,

So I am going to walk away now,

Hope you move on too…

Hope you find your love in someone else at someplace else,

Until then don’t hurt too much my first love, for I loved you too much…

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