Alka Yagnik: A Stitch in Tune
The ku-ku-ku-ku-ku-ku-ku-ku of Choli Ke Peeche Kya Hai that got to her
Ila Arun’s vulgar jibes at Alka Yagnik prior to the song recording of Choli Ke Peeche did not go down well with Alka. Initially, Alka appeared unruffled and had told music directors Laxmikant-Pyarelal that she was not going to be troubled by Ila’s rural taunts. She was lying as she sipped her early morning hot water from a thermos she carried to the recording studio.
As the day progressed, Ila repeatedly grunted Choli ke peeche kya hai chori, chunari ke neeche kya hai gori? Alka eventually cracked. She was in tears and complained to LP that her senior was bullying her.
“Laxmiji, Pyarelalji,” she whined in a singsong tone, but to no mercy from any.
Alka had no clue what Ila was getting at till the music composers gave her the lyric sheet and asked to hum along on their harmonium, to pick up the rhythm, and pitch. Alka thought everyone was pulling her leg, and this was all a big joke, a fun day of riyaaz in the studio. What on earth were these filthy words: Choli ke peeche kya hai, chunari ke neeche kya hai? She couldn’t bring herself together. Why were the composers making her do this?
Ila was notorious for her antics. She would tweak the songs she sang, often peppering the lyrics with her own impromptu additions, her harrumph sounds that stirred the hearts and loins of randy men. Alka was most embarrassed recording the song and was flushed red with shame whenever Ila ku-ku cooed into her mike with her orgasmic oohs and aahs as if her privates were on fire, or she was being doused and cooled.
Alka was not one to throw tantrums and she could not afford to be upset with LP for pairing her with the guttural Ila Arun. They were the people who gave her her first massive hit, Ek Do Teen in Tezaab, which not only launched her singing career, but also earned her a Filmfare best playback stripe. That was four years ago, after which, she had not been able to scale those dizzying heights again.
She kept a straight face throughout the song recording, but soon after, she excused herself and did not participate in the post-recording shindig. Alka was frightened that Ila would peep into her choli.
Arre jaa jaa, Ila chastised her, like she did in the song, when Alka reached for the door. Alka felt like a furry little rodent scurrying out from danger’s path, drenched in cold sweat.
Alka went home, stood in her closet and studied her image in the mirror. Was she fat? She thought not. She balked for hours, wondering if the whole exercise was to punish her for something she had done to upset LP.
Late that night, she telephoned Laxmikant, since Pyarelal didn’t have the patient ear for pity and Laxmikant would perhaps have a more assertive answer to the afternoon raga that played out in the studio.
Laxmikant told her not to worry but Alka was not convinced. It was, as she looked at the calendar on her night table, April 1. She tried to smile. Surely, the joke was on her, she was not being a sport. At nine in the evening, even Laxmikant, having downed a few glasses of whisky, would sing a different tune, she thought.
She had, after all, sung Ek do teen char paanch chhe saat aat nau dus gyarah barah tera, for them. It hadn’t sounded right at first, but look how it had gripped the nation to reward maths with affection.
A year later, at the Filmfare awards function, when her name was announced for the best playback trophy with Ila, she realised that Ila had sprinted and reached the stage before she could even stand up from her chair. Ila was screaming into a mike, “Choli ke peeche kya hai Alka, chunari ke neeche kya hai Alka?” Alka, was again, only too nervous to control her gait. She dithered.
As she stepped on the stage, Ila ran towards her and tried to shove the Filmfare trophy into the folds of her Anarkali kurta, announcing into the mike to all Alka fans in the audience, “Where should I stow her trophy?”
The audience broke out in a hoorah as Alka adjusted her chunari.
When would Alka learn to drop her guard?
Clasping her trophy with both hands, held firm and pressed close to her bosom from where Choli mein dil hai mera, chunari mein dil hai mera, she had devoutly chanted in a dulcet tone, Alka preened her best defense in a shiny moment.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction or more formally known as real person fiction. It is not for any commercial use. Read more on Real Person Fiction here.
