New Beginnings

Introduction

My friend accused me of becoming a hipster. That particular moment, I looked at myself. In that particular moment of weakness, I was wearing a plaid shirt and a bow tie, polka-dotted socks nested in monk strap shoes. I said to myself “Oh my goodness… she’s right.” I don’t actually wear bow ties on a regular basis, trust me. So just to continue the trend, I decided to start a blog…

Actually though, I noticed that I had slowly become more and more self conscious about talking too much. I’m not a particularly organized person, and as such, my thoughts come out jumbled and haphazard. Everything I write is in pure stream of consciousness. Even as I write this, I don’t know what is going to come next. A blog seems fitting for this dilemma. Enjoy the ride!

I’m going to make a self-introduction really quick because I’m assuming if I continue this, who I am will become more apparent with bits of information that are let go with each update. As for things that aren’t incredibly obvious: My name is Mansfield Ruben Marcus Lo Tun Mark, and at the time of this post, I am in my fourth year at Carnegie Mellon University. While I’m sure that mouthful of a name might raise some questions, it’s a long story that doesn’t really cover a whole lot of ground besides the fact that it contains my poorly romanized Chinese name, 羅頓. I’m half white, half Taiwanese, with a last name for a first name, and a first name for a last name.

Motivation

So why am I doing this? I’m affected by the pandemic of boredom that happens to all university students on break. School is great. Everywhere is a short walk away, everyone is surrounded by events, friends, food; spoiled with activities. When you’re home, most of that is gone. At least for me. When my parents are at work, the closest beings to me are my dog, my cat, and my neighbor’s horses. I essentially live in farm land, an hour walk away from the closest bit of civilization — with no car. Sure, in freshman year, all of my high school friends were a short drive away, and we’d actively get together all the time for some shenanigans. But a few years at university will change almost anybody. We are different people now. I got to know myself better, which meant I have forged very different friendships with those in Pittsburgh. As such, home is becoming lonelier with each passing year.

This is starting to give off the impression that I woke up one day and said to myself “I’m bored, I should write a blog.” I have all sorts of things to cure my boredom. Playing guitar, running, scavenging for food, watching TV are some distractions that come to mind. No, the reason why I wanted to begin this public diary is because of a particularly important friend of mine. See, she graduated this semester. After she left, one of my attempts to keep in touch felt like little more than recounting the events of my day. Remember what I just wrote above? My days are incredibly boring. I saw this as a root to a bigger problem. Sure, I’m not doing much, but I’ve spent time at school not doing much, and that did not affect my conversational skills. The difference is when I’m home, my brain shuts off. Very few thoughts go in and out, and I’m left with a blank slate as a basis for conversation. At school, my friends pull the inner philosopher out of me, and I talk just by thinking out loud. I might feel lonely but I’m not at the point where I’m going to start talking to my dog. The reason that this worries me is one I’ll probably get into later. But I saw a blog as an opportunity for me to exercise my mind, and take a stroll through the jungle that is my consciousness. I hope it will keep me active, keep me searching, and avoid feelings of rotting away in a tee and pair of sweatpants. Wish me luck.