The “I first want to please you” reflex
Conflict,confrontation, “no, nay”
Agreement, reinforcement, statu quo
The “yesman” syndrom.
I will define it as the automatic acquiescence to whatever the person in front of me says, who ever it may be.
Are you part of the “yesmen” or “yeswomen” tribe?Maybe, if you recognize yourself in at least one of these characteristics :
- interesting dullness
So dull, so dim, so feeble-looking that you arouse curiosity.So convenient, in times when it should be obvious even to you that your interests are disregarded in your yeses, that people wonder where you are up to…
2. useless helpfulness
So eager to offer unasked help, so keen to advise others, so alert at the neighbour’s needs, so outside of yourself that it is nearly impossible to be connected to others and offer beneficial help…
3. less than 10 free blunt unjustified “NOs” per week
Your nos are shy, your nos dance in the wind, your nos are colored with “I am so sorry to say no”, your nos are as rare as the most precious gems.You dread the word itself.Try, just as a game, to utter “nO”;just try it first thing when you wake up tomorrow morning.Then, under the shower, try another “no, no, no “ song (you see, like babies, who systematically say no);see how you feel.Then, write a no down, put it in your wallet.What is your no that is behind your tongue, the one that makes your stomach gurgle, because you hold it?
Try the no diet for one day…A big bungee jump, is it not?
4. an absent presence
By keeping the “yes” button continuously pushed, it is nearly impossible to be present, first to yourself, then to others.Your brain is not a “yes” brain, it is a “wait a minute brain, why do you say that brain,where are you up to brain, who are you brain, what research did you do to reach this conclusion brain, let me think over it brain, let me gather the several possible opposite views brain,let me complement what you say brain, no brain, “you talkin’ to me” (De Niro) brain etc…”.
This is who a human brain is: an identity.Identity refers to distinction and individuality.
By starting from the bottom (absent presence, no nos,useless helpfullness,interesting dullness), I would like you to check which of these strikes you the most.Then, I want you to make a list of the rewards you get from acting this way.Because you certainly see benefits in behaving and thinking this way.Then (the last then), talk to yourself, about who you loose in this process, evaluate the gains and losses of being less a “yes” robot, and more an existing you.At that point, you will not just leave the tribe, but you will meet yourself.