Why Am I Depressed after marriage?
When we fall in love, we think that getting married will make us live happily ever after. Because this is what we have seen and heard.
First Love, then marriage, and finally depression are not what everyone wants, but unfortunately, some end up in this way. Depression after marriage is something familiar that happens due to various causes. Many people experience a deep sadness after their wedding bells.
You would have been high for so long, preparing for your marriage with more excitement. Buildups, bachelorette parties, bridal showers, constant phone calls, wedding planning, the wedding day, and the honeymoon. After going on with so much fun, you would find it hard to settle back into normalcy. You would then feel like the whole fun phase of your life had just ended.
What is depression in marriage?
When a person is depressed, it affects those around them who are involved with him or her. The quality of each member’s life, the thoughts about the person, and the overall happiness are touched. The person who is depressed will feel sad, tired, and negative having little energy for the pleasures and tasks of family life. Things that seem positive will be seen negatively through the eyes of a person who is depressed.
Here the word depression is used may be because of the lack of fulfillment or pleasure in your life, and the depression after marriage is probably linked clearly with the period after the ceremony.
You will not be able to handle even the common responsibilities, and the partners will do their things on their own without you. These changes can lead to feelings of anger and irritation. The impatience and feeling overwhelmed by the situation and lack of understanding on the part of the partner would create extra problems and struggle with depression.
As a result, the emotional connection, sexual desire, and intimacy will disappear and will leave you in sadness, disappointment, and loneliness in marriage.
Causes of depression after marriage
When you lead to your wedding, you will find your life brighter. But after it is over, you may feel the reality is not that expected. When people think that the wedding may solve the issues and when it actually doesn’t, then you would find it hard.
It is not a choice, but a physical illness. If you ask why a depressed person can’t just go on with life and do things that would make them feel better, the answer is, that it is not that easy. A depressed partner can just get on with life. Because depression is usually by dramatic shifts in brain chemistry that change moods, energy levels, thoughts, and sleep.
People get depressed due to a number of reasons like financial problems, severe stress, a significant change in life, a loss, and due to health conditions.
And so even marriage is a significant life change and it is found that up to 1 in 10 brides experience depression after marriage. Marriage itself doesn’t cause depression because half of all women and men in unhappy marriages are depressed due to marriage problems.
High levels of conflict, feeling lonely, not solving issues, and distance from your partner are some causes that can trigger depression. Especially the ones who believe that their partner is unwilling to work with them, with a lack of communication to work on it and no openness, will find it hard to control their life.
How to handle depression?
Depression and marriage are nothing to worry about, as the right steps can help you handle it and live a peaceful life. If you find out you or your partner is feeling depressed, pay attention to it and carry out the steps below to handle it.
Be alert
Even if you find small changes, be alert to notice them. Because depression can come on slowly. Mostly it is the non-depressed partner who takes the lead in solving it. If you are depressed you will be lethargic or withdrawn and will find to fix it alone.
But do not take that step, instead talk to your partner about how you feel. Do not be judgmental but talk about it lovingly, so that your partner would know your feelings. If your partner is in depression after marriage try to find it out and help them. You might notice that they are not acting, feeling, or thinking as they normally do.
It can look different in both men and women where the spouse would work extremely long hours, use drugs, drink too much, or find thrills in risky activities.
Focus on your long-term relationship
Try to pay attention to your day-to-day life, especially the relationship you both have with each other. Do not put your life on hold, instead create wonderful moments. Keep talking to your partner, because these open conversations will bring you closer to each other and this will do a lot to prevent depression after marriage.
Set goals and work
The couple can make new goals or things to plan for, like decorating a room, changing things, going on trips, and so on. This creates a feeling of excitement and specialness. This will distract you or the depressed partner from depression and will help you lead a happy life.
Believe that the odds are in favor
Recovery may take time and patience. When you try various antidepressants or use various therapy techniques, there can be initial trial and error. However, up to 80% of people see an improvement within four to six weeks of starting their treatment.
Don’t wait to hit the bottom
It is important to offer help before the partner hits the bottom. Because it can be flawed and dangerous. The long-term depression will make the marriage harder, and tough to treat. Moreover, it is more likely to recur. It can open the very real possibility of suicide. Even minor depression or other mood disorders can make them do so. Depressed men are four times more likely to take their own lives than depressed women.
Find a mental health counselor
It is important for both of you to find a therapist or counselor who has worked with depression in couples. So that you will know how to work together to solve the issues of your depressed spouse.
Thanks for reading my article. To read more on relationships, love, mental health, and life lessons you can follow my writings.
