How I saved my relationship from a breakup?
Choosing happiness with love
Have you ever wondered why you felt “He/She is the love of my life”, the first time you saw them when it actually didn’t work out between you both?
Love can be filled with ups and downs simply like a rollercoaster ride. Sometimes it will make us feel at its best while sometimes it feels like the end. I know that every relationship is a mixture of happiness, love, problems, and fights, and living through them is how you can make one successful.
The breakup is the right solution to stop getting hurt. But it cannot always be the right decision. When I felt to break up I felt like throwing away my love anchor, being on a ship at sea in a storm, leaving me alone in the great ocean of loneliness.
So instead, I decided to fight against the odds and managed to save my relationship from a breakup.
Thinking against the odds
I was deeply in love with my boyfriend and we had the beautiful days being in love. Sharing Joy and laughter was everything that I experienced. But as life will not be the same, we encountered problems that caused a split between us.
All we did was fight, and arguments were what we had in our WhatsApp chats. I missed our old happy days. I missed my old me and my old partner. We were never the same.
When we both came to the feeling of breaking up, I was confused about where did we go wrong. I was exactly wondering, how did I go wrong in my intuition that said “he is the one” when I fell in love with him for the first time?
Back in the day, When I saw my grandma and grandpa cooking together in the kitchen enjoying themselves with love, I said to her “Maybe you both are made for each other”. But she replied to me saying “There is nobody called made for each other, instead it is us who should make us as made for each other”
This hit me hard. When I thought about this, I decided no matter how hard the situation is, I am going to make it work out.
Reasons behind the conflicts
When it comes to relationship problems, the first thing you need to find out is the causes of problems. You can solve an issue only if you know the root cause of the problem.
But my problem was that I never knew it. Usually, people enter into a relationship, it is due to the feelings they have for each other. But with time the love may fade and weaken the bond between the two.
The cause of breakup will not always be due to lack of love, but there may be a lot of other reasons. Even though we try hard to find the differences we won’t be able to sustain them.
But one thing is for sure, we get into a relationship with many expectations about how our partner should be and how they should behave. Even if the partner is madly in love with you but is unable to express it well, it will lead to misunderstandings and problems.
The lack of expressions of love can make you frustrated thinking that your partner has no love for you. This might be because you’re comparing your relationship with others by seeing the images of happy couples and when they fail to do so you get disappointed. Usually just commonly believe that the opposite attracts. But in some situations, this difference becomes the main reason.
Did I find my root cause?
At first, I didn’t recognize the cause. But over time, I realized it was the expectation between us. The thing my partner did at the beginning that made my heart flutter actually lessen over time. He did a lot to impress me but later stopped doing it and so, I felt like he doesn’t care about me anymore.
We both had our own set of habits, likes, dislikes, opinions, and preferences. So what one of us considered to be extremely important actually felt worthless to the other. This became a problem because we both did not learn to see things from each other’s perspective and lacked understanding.
How did I solve this problem?
Constant fights and arguments will force us to not only put an end to the relationship, but also to the memories, happiness, and the love of life. Before breaking up, think of any other possible ways to resolve it and patch up with a beautiful bond.
Talked about problems
The first thing that I did was talk. I asked him to schedule an hour for me to decide what we can do. There is no better way to solve the problems and talk to each other openly about issues. Communication is the golden key to making your relationship last.
At first, I talked about the memories of how we met for the first time, How we proposed to each other, and enjoyed the happy times together. Then we talked about what went wrong. I was clear and calm with my opinions and did not blame him.
I spoke openly about my thoughts and allowed him to talk about his thoughts. Instead of proving whose opinion is better, we started to think from each other’s perspective and accepted them. We spoke about how hard a breakup would actually be.
This helped us to learn about each other, how we think, and how we can compromise all the issues and come up with an agreement, to fix issues together, apologize and forgive.
Accepted even if it's an imperfect love
There is nothing called a perfect relationship. It is just the way one lives and loves depending on the character. Everyone has and lacks something and it differs from each other. We don’t live in a fantasy world to have a perfect love story as we have read in fairy tales. This is reality and we have to accept it.
I accepted the fact that it is me and my partner who should fix the relationship and the rest will get handled smoothly. We actually talked about real issues and understood the mistakes while learning from them.
Accepted faults
We never accept faults and take responsibility for them. By the time I started admitting, if I had done something that hurt my partner. We both understood that more than our egos, we needed each other.
Instead of blaming each other, we took full responsibility and tried to solve the issues by saying sorry. It is not we just said sorry, instead we thought about the solutions we can take to make sure that these issues won’t happen again.
Listened to my partner
Most of our problems arise when we were not ready to listen to each other. More than just expecting an apology, attempt to solve the problems by listening.
Had healthy arguments
You cannot avoid arguments totally. But you can have it in a healthy way. First of all, find out why you are with your partner and decide whether it is worth staying in. If you feel toxic, then it is the time to end the relationship, but there are couples, who live together for a long time and fight over nothing, making them into large issues.
We had arguments while holding hands and it helped us feel the emotions of each other more than just words. A more intimate connection formed and allowed both of us to exchange empathy. Both of us started to take decisions sincerely and wholeheartedly.
Finally, I did it.
We are now a happy couple. It doesn’t mean we don’t fight or argue at all. But they have become the normal things we can handle easily. I feel like I have become more mature enough to handle this.
Let yourself give your relationship another chance to adjust to your bond. Have a little faith in your partner, because when your partner is doing everything to make it work, why would you give up?
