In the midst of the social evils happening all around, the acceptance of the concept of gender equality by a few people, brought me respite. However, it was only recently that I realised that the society has undergone only a virtual transformation without any effective change.
One fine day, one of my acquaintances whom I had always thought of as a man of great intellect, stirred a random conversation with me. In the middle of nowhere, he made a remark which has stayed with me ever since. He said, “Be Feminine, not Feminist”. That moment came as a nightmare to me. For some, it may not be a big deal. But, this coming from a well educated man who apparently believes in ‘greater’ rights for women, was quite a shock. So, on this day, I thought of citing some of the instances from not just my routine life, but yours too, which we have accepted without questioning.
I would want to start with one of the unexpected scenarios which routinely occur in the life of any ordinary individual. Metro lines in the capital city constantly keep on requesting men to vacate their seats for the ladies. It is important that every action has a rationale which in this case is absent. Reserving a coach for the women is a step towards security. But, even in the general coaches, men are at the disadvantage. What is even more disheartening is the fact that there are actually women who ask men to vacate the seats for them. To those ladies who do this — all the while we attempted to make the world know that men and women are equals but you shattered the entire attempt within a moment. By making a man who is as much entitled to the services of the metro, vacate the seat for you, you just made him realise that you are weak. You exemplified why women need to ‘be taken care of’ by the men.
In another instance, in one of my lectures, my Professor questioned a group of fifty women if they would accept a house-husband. This incident took place at one of the most prestigious institutions of India. Unfortunately, it was only three of the fifty ‘bold’ women who stepped ahead. It is a matter of great concern if the ladies of such a reputed institution have never thought of a counter to the concept of a housewife. A mutual decision is always welcomed but making it a default practice for a woman to leave behind her career for the family is not acceptable.
One of the well recognised pieces of work, ‘The History of Mankind’ by UNESCO was reconsidered and titled as ‘The History of Humanity’. While discussing with people on this matter (and when I say people, I am pointing towards the supposedly educated humans), I received responses stating that the name of a book is immaterial and is not significant enough to reconsider the title. It is disturbing that people have been internalised in such a manner that for them a man equals to a human. I agree that it is the content of the book that matters more than the title, but what I wish to challenge is not the crux of the title but the origin of the title. What we need to question as a society is why the human society which encompasses different gender identities, is referred to as ‘MANkind’ in the first place.
For many of you who would be able to relate to me, I have often seen parents telling to the people around, very proudly, that their daughter has entirely replaced the position of a son in their family and that for them she is the son of the house. First of all, I am grateful that such parents exist. In this country, where thousands of female infants are killed every single day, I am more than glad that there are parents who have raised their children with pride. Yet, a question that often arises in my mind is why exactly is a daughter supposed to replace a son. At the base level, why she should be the ‘man’ or the ‘son’ of the house. In the depth of the matter, why can’t she be a daughter of proud parents and not a daughter like son?
Feminism is NOT about femininity. It has not originated out of the ‘feminine’. It has emerged as a response to the current society. It is a move responding to the evils against all genders, a step in favour of Gender Equality. It is not meant to reverse the conditions in favour of just the women but to offer equal opportunities to people of all genders.
When I say that I am a feminist, I mean that I find it inappropriate for a woman to involuntarily sit on the floor in the feet of her husband. But at the same time, I also don’t find it appropriate for a woman to take unnecessary advantage of her position and demand chivalry of a man. I find it equally disturbing that an individual is looked down upon if one chooses to be a transgender. As much as I am in favour of hanging rapists, I support immediate action against women falsely accusing men of rape. I want the men to be able to wear nail paint and the women to keep a moustache, without fearing the society. Today, I wish to challenge the language that we use in our daily lives which has smoothly taken the shape of a stereotypical society. I want to question the theory of the ‘man the hunter and woman, the gatherer’.
The sex of an individual which is biologically determined might not be in our control but the right to choose our gender lies with us. When I say gender, I refer to all the stereotypes associated with the term ‘masculine’ and that with ‘feminine’. Why should a male necessarily be ‘masculine’ and a female be ‘feminine’? Why should he be brave and she be sensitive? When a child is born, the only natural expression known to the infant is that of crying. Then later, why is a male ‘not supposed’ to cry while a female can cry her heart out? A child is born with no inclination towards any colour. Then why does blue represent a male while pink represents a female? Why should it be mandatory to provide your father’s name and not simply your guardian’s name in all the relevant forms in government procedures? Why does a woman change her last name to that of her husband? Why does she have her father’s surname in the first place? And finally, why can’t he choose to be feminine while she chooses to be masculine?
These questions remain unanswered to me. Yet, this was an attempt to question our understanding of the society. I leave it upon you to make your attempt to challenge your conception. Think. Understand. Question. And only then, Accept.
