A satire, otherwise known as a “parabola”, of the Godfather 2 speech delivered by the Senator of Nevada during the Michael Corleone questioning.

From the great explorer Amerigo Vespucci, to the true inventor of the telephone, Antonio Meucci, to the Chairman of the Board, Frank Sinatra and up into the present time of the Vogue Princess Madonna and the indefatigable Freehold Phantom, Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen (YES, he is half Italian), Italian-Americans have generously aided this grand empire with their sweaty toil, penchant for excellence in the fields of music, entertainment, business and government, as well as their numerous and indispensable technological contributions to this cosa nostra we call Gli Stati Uniti d’Ameliga. These former Mediterranean area sojourners who now inhabit our divinely promised continent from shore to shore, form foundational pillars in what was once a mere notion in a yet to be realized Lockean inspired Jeffersonian construct.

Furthermore, I would be remiss if I did not mention some of the outstanding Italians from my home state of New Jersey and their undeniable impact on our collective culture. Such notable titans include but are certainly not limited to the following great people of history:

Al “Five Fingers” DiMeola, Jon “She Don’t Know Me (Nor I Her)” Bon Jovi, Ray “Union Delegate” Liotta, Supreme Court Justice Sammy “The Fish” Alito, Laura “I‘m So Sexy” San Giacomo, Mira “I Am SO Sure Michelle!” Sorvino, Frankie “Large Chicks Often Laugh” Valli, John “I DO Dig On Swine” Travolta, Super Bowl MVP Giuseppe “I’m Throwin’ Right At The Numbers” Flacco and of course the late great Tony “Shut Yer Trap, Christopha” Soprano whose accolades stretch far and wide. While I am not personally acquainted with any of the aforementioned overachievers, I am nonetheless proud to call “friend” many olive oil hotheads including myself, often (embarrassingly so) through silly and awkward dialogues with a mirror. Clearly, to underestimate Italian-Americans, especially those from the lush Garden State, would be to deny their commitment to excellence and in turn, imperil the skeptic, both in body and soul. Their passion and hot-bloodedness shall be forever etched into this stolen soil on which we find ourselves firmly planted.

I speak these words in all sincerity, affectionately and with a bonafide 3rd-state-to-ratify wink (Yo, I got sumpin’ in my eye). It wouldn’t be proper to end a presentation to this august body without our famed state motto of “Go Eff Yourselves”, which is considered a standard phrase of endearment borrowed from the Unami tongue of the Lenni-Lenape though greatly enhanced in modern times by the descendants of ancient Rome. Thank you for your time, kind generosity of spirit and unwavering empathy in times of true need. I’m fricken outta here!

Marc Cianciola, Treasurer and Supreme Commander of the Salacious Sarcasm Society, Middlesex County Chapter.