Breasts Need No Consent
If you are boob-intolerant—or sexist—get over it
A metaphor
Imagine following a person in a public space, as they are walking in a park or a street. Suddenly, they drop their clothes and stand naked for a few minutes. Then, they dress up again and continue their walk.
They may have done this to entertain some, shock others, or celebrate their body. They may have done it in an artistic or pornographic way — depending on the eye of the beholder.
So, here is a question:
If you didn’t like what they did, would you continue following them?
My guess is no. You would actually unfollow them. Oops, I thought I liked this person’s parade, but I don’t. I’m getting off here.
That simple. You are not obliged to follow anyone you don’t like.
Second question: if you had already known, before starting following that person, that they periodically undress in public places? Would you have followed that person in the first place?
I guess no, again.
Third and last question: if your state of being a non-follower protected you from coming across that person again? Would you care if they continued doing what they are doing? Without seeing them ever again, would you be bothered if they existed, in some parallel universe, getting naked for their followers, whenever they felt like it?
“But nobody likes that!” you may say.
Well, that is actually none of your business. If it’s true, this person will end up without any followers.
But it probably isn’t true. There are people who enjoy different things. There are people comfortable with looking at nudity. There are also people uncomfortable with it, who want to expand their worldview and get comfortable.
A reality
Not all laws of Real Life govern the Internet. In real life, if someone offends you, it’s not always easy or simple to protect yourself. Police? Lawsuits? Courts? Restraining orders? These are complicated things and won’t always end in your favour.
On an Internet platform, on the other hand, things are much simpler. If someone offends you, you just push a button labelled “Block.”
Very often, “Unfollow” will also do.
When you “Follow” someone, you agree to be exposed to whatever they are up to. And you are allowed to err. Just press “Unfollow” and you part ways with your ex-followee.
There is of course the question of what each platform tolerates.
Unfortunately — for us, nudity-tolerant users — most platforms are pretty intolerant when it comes to nudity and sex, even among adults who have consented to viewing mature material.
Emma Austin got… unfollowed by Mailchimp, because “the content associated with [her] industry conflict[ed] with [Mailchimp’s] Acceptable Use Policy.” In her essay Sex Sells (But Who’s Buying?), she mentions Facebook’s intolerance to breastfeeding photos and Tumblr’s recent and disappointing turn towards modesty, as well as Amazon’s hypocrisy on handling erotica.
Besides, Yael Wolfe has repeatedly reported her own issues with Instagram and Facebook. In fact, the present article is my knee-jerk reaction to Wolfe’s recent essay Do I Really Have to Ask for Consent to Show My Breasts?—hence the title.
We are adults and able to choose
We, consenting adults, need no patronising. We don’t need to be protected from indecency, like children. And we certainly haven’t asked for such a protection from Father Facebook and the rest of the social media platforms.
We agree to disagree and we respect anyone’s intolerance, as long as it only affects them and them alone. The intolerant can look away. They can Block. They can Unfollow.
The preferences of the intolerant cannot be the yardstick for everybody else’s behaviour.
And as far as protecting children from indecency goes, make no mistake:
Prudishness does not serve to protect the innocent. It has always served in reinforcing the status of the female body as a man’s property and sex object.
There are ways to protect children from whatever any parent deems inappropriate. We don’t need to shut down everything related to nudity and sex — not for conscious and consenting adults. There are sophisticated website filters and a parent should be able to configure them. That boob-tracking algorithm? There should be an option to turn it on and off.
But no. The algorithm rules all. And it rules out breasts, too.
Because breasts equals sex, right? Under the excuse of keeping social media clean from pornography, the big platforms took the easy route: ban all female toplessness.
It’s a very messed up subject and it stinks from all sides. Yael Wolfe nails it in her article Why Everyone Should Be Worried About Social Media’s Censorship of Sexuality. It’s a great and revolutionary read.
All I’m saying is, we are able to choose. Therefore, we demand the choice and we will fight for it. If anyone has the choice of Blocking us, Unfollowing us, Unsubscribing from our newsletters, then the rest—our friends—must have the choice of staying connected with us. Seeing us. Celebrating with us.
And, yes: sharing nude photos with us. Our breasts. Our butts. Our genitalia. With those who want to see us. With those who see us as art. With those who see us as pornography. With those who want to talk with us. With those who want to fuck us.
We can choose to do all that.
We don’t want to impose. But not imposing is different from not existing.
We are here. And there are people out there who want to connect with us.
The rest will unfollow.
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