We Didn’t Start the Fire — Trump Edition

Ryan Allred
Apr 1, 2018 · 3 min read

I can’t visit a news site, Twitter feed or have a meal without “Trump” crashing the party. This reality show consumes all available air in the room. Articles and think pieces contain enough proclamations and firings, declarations and resignations, conspiracy theories and fake news to make a list enormous enough to depress a jolly fat man in a red hat.

Rather than add another think piece predicting what no one can predict, the goal here is to take a lesson from Billy Joel and chronicle the past two years in song form.

In 1989, Billy Joel wrote the mega hit “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” proving to himself and his friend Sean Lennon that any time in history is filled with extremes. Starting in 1949 (Joel’s birth year), he burned through major events in his life through names, places and notable rhymes. It was utilized by teachers as a teaching moment, educating students on the stories behind the keywords. Listen to the original here.

I offer the alternate lyrics below dedicated to our current era. I’ve bolded lyrics as applicable today as originally written in 1989. Here is a karaoke instrumental version.

[Verse 1]

Bernie Sanders, Big League, Alt-facts, Believe Me

Emails missing, Russian hacking, locker room talk

Biden fighting, Cynthia Nixon, Scaramucci, television

North Korea, South Korea, Tillerson walks

Kelly Ann, Hope Hicks, Mar-a-logo, poll tricks

Meryl Streep, the failing Times, Bill O’Reilly, Palestine

Fox and Friends, vaccine, England’s got the same queen

Too much winning, Hannity, Rocket Man is on the line


We didn’t start the fire

It was always burning since the world’s been turning

We didn’t start the fire

No we didn’t light it, but we tried to fight it

[Verse 2]

Tax returns, Huckabee, escalator, Only me

Regulations, Omarosa, primary shock

Roy Cohn, Roger Stone, Jared Kushner on his own,

Parkland, Alex Jones, Facebook’s on the clock

Bill Maher, prompter on, everyone’s a moron,

Best words, travel ban, Stormy Daniels, Little Hands

Bing-Bong, party drones, Alabama, Doug Jones

Kapaernick, Pence pick, Birtherism, body slam


[Verse 3]

N-D-A, Jersey Shore, Harvey Weinstein, no more

#MeToo, Spicer goes, Bob Mueller, Comey knows

Weak, Tough, Free Trade, California, Lemonade

Steve Bannon, homicide, Puerto Rico under tide

Tiki torches, Hope Hicks, Space Force, bigger stick

Morning Joe, Fox News, Hillary has the blues

Clean coal, S-N-L, Trump U, Gorsich sell

Pocahontas, Marco, Colbert and his Late Show


[Verse 4]

WikiLeaks, fake news, marijuana cures the blues

Dark posts, Doctor Ben, Mexican invasion

Jimmy Kimmel lecturing; British Brexit-mania

Lawsuits, wedding cakes, Billy Bush, Jeff Flake

Baldwin, legal text, U.S. politicians sex

Teenage kids — blown away — what else do I have to say?


[Verse 5]

Christmas war, Michael Flynn, Make America Great Again

Bump Stock, certain charts, Pizzagate, Huge, Smart,

Not a puppet, Palantir, Oval Office, out of here

Youth are rising, N-R-A, stupid, loser, D-N-A

Moron, Oscars, Drain the Swamp, K-Street-meetings, toxic dump

Manafort, Putin threats, nerve gas, rocket tests

Black Lives Matter, Build the Wall, Opioids may take us all

Red Hat, Donald, Twitter wars, I can’t take it anymore





Have a great day.

Ryan Allred

Written by

Write like no one is reading. Analytics confirm. Pop culture, technology, politics. @marchofdonuts

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