I’m a huge fan of podcasts. I prefer them over watching tv any day.

My favorite podcast is Sword and Scale. (http://swordandscale.com)

I am obsessed with stories about murder, serial killers, and those who have gone missing under suspicious circumstances.

After listening to every episode of Sword and Scale, I listened to every episode of every podcast I could find on the topic until now I am almost certain there are no more.

I pay careful attention to the details known about the people who kill. There are some common factors they usually have, a blueprint they more or less fit.

They usually have a traumatic childhood: one or both parents mentally ill, absent, alcoholic, drug addict, abusive, neglectful, etc.

They often experience isolation, and are social outcasts, unable to assimilate into any peer group.

They can be gifted with creative ability and intelligence.

To my horror, and fascination, I find myself with much more in common with them than I would like to admit. I wonder if I was made from the same blueprint, but with one essential ingredient missing? Instead of becoming a killer, I turned my violence against myself.

I wish there was a way I could use this understanding to help.