How to be average in 10 easy steps
Look at you. Young, healthy, rich. You have great relationship with beautiful partner. Your family is proud of who you are. Yesterday you came up with another fresh startup idea while traveling around the world. You have so many friends on Facebook and Instagram that you can’t even count. People like you and think you are funny and kind. Life is just great.
But there are those silent, sad moments that you have from time to time. You know what I’m talking about. Those few unnoticeable days when you look around you just to see a sea of average people blending in greyness of each day. Working from 9 to 5, having bad moods, talking about stupid crap like latest Kardashian’ dress, complaining, demanding or blaming. Damn, you envy them. You know well that they can waste all day long doing meaningful stuff while expecting life to change. You know well they always want more doing less. You know well they think you have some sort of connections because you are so successful. In moments like this for a blink of an eye you have this brave idea that maybe, just maybe, you could be like them just for one day. Stop being hero and be Mr. zero.
However, you have no idea how to start, right? There is shitload of books and tips how to become great (which you are) but how to be the total opposite?
Have no fear, my friend. Especially for you our best specialists created pro tips how to regress each day and become worst version of yourself. If you just follow those simple steps in no time you will become as blunt as possible.
1) Don’t value time.
You have shitload of time. Basically you can waste it as much as possible. Throw away your calendar. Stop planning. Spend time unwisely. Become addicted to Youtube, Facebook, pornography and video games. By all means never start anything at once or today. Hell no! Start tomorrow. Or next week. This will definitely improve your life. Trust me.
2) Be always late. Always!
Oh! As we are on this subject — be always late. Show your disrespect to others. Treat them in a way that they will know who is superior. Treat them like you wouldn’t treat yourself. They can wait. It’s not like they have anything to do, right? Be selfish and always have some sort of excuse. Whatever happens — don’t let them change you!
3) Don’t read books. Watch TV instead.
Buy TV. Or even better — buy second TV! Start watching news. And TV shows. Watch politics. A lot of politics. Have no opinion. Always repeat the same slogans. Books? Fuck books. The only book you need is either religious or cooking book. Never read anything. You will learn everything from TV. This should be your only source of information. Never confirm anything. Worry a lot. About war. About hidden agendas. About celebrities. Be racists. Hate different opinions. And other people. Live in fear.
4) Always have some excuse.
It’s always too late. You will never achieve anything. Don’t even try. Suck at everything. Complain that it’s impossible. Repeat like mantra –“yes, I can’t”. Remember that you need to help yourself to feel as miserable as possible. Everything should stop you from doing anything. You are always able to stop yourself. There is always a good reason not to start.
5) Spend all your money.
You earn money? Good. Then spend it all. Never invest in anything (especially yourself). Buy each new product and model. Clothes? Only fashionable and trendy, duh. Never learn anything about investing. Don’t even think about saving. Money was created to be spend. You have no money? Borrow some. And then again and again. Live on credit. Use your credit card. Fuck — have ten of them. Borrow money from your family and friends. Don’t ever pay debts on time.
6) Don’t travel.
Don’t think about traveling. Ever. Open Google maps. Type your destination. Done. That’s it. It’s basically the same. And cheaper. And you can later watch porn so it’s double win scenario. If you however ever go somewhere by accident always be a dick. You are a tourist after all so they should respect you, right? Don’t learn any foreign language. Speak English. They don’t understand? Too bad. Speak louder! Be unkind. Never tip. Be as noisy as possible. Disrespect locals. Destroy environment. Break the rules. Do whatever you want. And visit only places that will look good on Facebook wall.
7) Remember to be rude.
Simple as that. Never respect others. Judge everybody. You know others. You have every possible idea about their lives. Treat them like shit. They are objects without feelings. Don’t make new friends. Demand everything for yourself. Expect only worse from them. It doesn’t matter if you are driving a car or waiting in queue. You are the center of the universe. They should treat you like king. And whatever happens — never smile.
8) Never exercise.
Be proud of being fat, tired and lazy. Drink alcohol. Smoke. Throw away vegetables and fruits. Don’t eat healthy. Sleep as little as possible. Forget the word “exercise”. Move as little as possible. Buy only cheap food products. Eat chips and burgers. Love fat and sugar. Drink plenty of Coke. You will see the difference sooner than you can imagine.
9) Writing is for losers.
Don’t write down goals. Don’t write any achievements. Ignore dreams. Live your past. You should use paper only when taking a shit. Pen? You know how to sign your name? You are good to go. Lists and preparations are for pussies. Repeat every day the same way. Behave the same way. Each day you should become a worse version of yourself.
Worse will only come so whatever you want to do — don’t. The worse, the better. Don’t motivate yourself. Be predictable. Never learn on your mistakes. Repeat them. Be boring. Expect only bad things. Destroy all your dreams. Never change. Give up. Complain. Be passive. Be pessimist. Fail. Lose.